


Mrs. Danvers-Luthor

by call_it_what_you_want



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Foster Care, Foster Parents, Kara Danvers Loves Lena Luthor, Kid Fic, Marriage, POV Lena Luthor, Parents Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Protective Lena Luthor, Secret Relationship, Student Kara Danvers, SuperCorp, Teacher Lena Luthor, Teacher-Student Relationship, Therapy, Unconventional Relationship, foster mom Kara danvers, supercorp au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:13:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28496616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/call_it_what_you_want/pseuds/call_it_what_you_want
Summary: Lena runs away from her life and meets her future wife as a student in her biology class. We explore their lives together as they fight to save their marriage.I wanted to explore an inappropriate start to a relationship after everything is said and done. When the trill is gone and the two people both are just trying to figure themselves out outside of their relationship.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 61
Kudos: 207





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t mark this with an underage warning because I don’t intend to need it but you feel free to tell me if I’m wrong. This is my first fic with this fandom, I figured now or never. :)

This is crap. Utter crap. $600 an hour to sit here and not talk to each other. We do that at home for free. We do that at home quite a lot for free and there she is just sitting. She’s doing it on purpose, she has to be. Making us come here just to stay silent. 

“Dear lord please say something, somebody.” 

Dr. Ruth, the middle age Yale graduate that must shop at the marriage counselor section of the gap recrosses her legs and leans forward. 

“Lena, where would you like to start?” 

“This isn’t my idea, I don’t wish to start at all. I would just like this to actually get started so we aren’t just sitting here.” 

Kara rolls her eyes like this is all part of the problem. God, she barely likes me. 

Dr. Ruth looks at Kara. “Kara, where would you like to start?” 

Kara shrugs. 

“Well, how about you tell me how you two met? That would be helpful.” 

“She was my teacher,” Kara says looking at the art on the far wall. She hated admitting this. The older she got the less we had to talk about this, especially since moving but here we are again.

“It’s not what it sounds like,” I add like I always did only normally she would have grabbed my hand so we showed a united front. 

“But really, it was.” Kara sighs going off-script. 

“Kara,” I say. 

She rolls her eyes again. “She was my high school biology teacher.” 

“I was a bit lost there for a while. My big brother was just arrested for attacking a whole city. My master's in Bioengineering was only good for working at Luthorcorp, which I had decided I wanted nothing to do with since my brother ruined its name. I wanted far away from that life so I sold everything and took a job teaching in Midvale of all places.” 

“LuthorCorp as in Lex Luthor?”

I sigh now. “Yes. See that, that’s what I was running from.” 

Kara looks at me with a small ounce of pity. “It wasn’t like she sought me out. It just happened.”

“Kara, how old are you now?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“Twenty-five.”

“I have to ask, do you want to report an assault?” Dr. Ruth asks and I’m again enemy number one in this room. 

Kara looks at Dr. Ruth offended. “Absolutely not. I love Lena. I married her. Nothing has ever not been my choice.” 

“Okay.” 

“If it wasn’t part of our story and now part of the problem I wouldn’t be telling you this. It’s not exactly fun to admit.” Kara plays with her glasses like she always does when she’s nervous and ready to babble. 

“It was my fault. I should have been the adult.” This has never not been true. Kara will give a million examples of times I tried to end it but she wouldn’t let me. At the end of the day, I was an adult. I shouldn’t have let us get that far but if I’m being honest. I don’t regret it.

“I have a few questions.” Dr. Ruth says calmly taking notes. 

Kara sighs annoyed. “I was sixteen, she was twenty-seven.” It’s the question everyone wanted to know. 

“You’re annoyed?” She asks Kara. 

“I just don’t want judgment from someone we just met. This has been our lives for ten years. We know it's unconventional. We know it’s fucking weird. It was never about my age. It wasn’t about me seeing my parents die or her problems with her family. She was my teacher and at first, she was just my teacher. It grew. Neither of us chose it but it happened.” 

“Lena, you say it was your fault?” 

“Well, I was older.” 

“What do you think the reason you two got together was?”

“She’s going to say, Lex.” Kara swings her hand lightly. 

“We needed each other.”

“Lena walk me through the start of your relationship.”

“Well, firstly it wasn’t like the movies. She wasn’t coming to class with her uniform buttoned poorly and I wasn’t looking at her throughout the whole class hoping she’d drop her pencil.”

“It wasn’t about sex,” Kara adds. 

“Not at all,” I say as convincingly as I can because this was the hardest fact for people to hear. “We didn’t even have sex until she was 17 which was legal in Midvale.” 

“Okay, let me stop you.” Dr. Ruth leans forward. “I am not here to judge anything. You don’t need to convince me of anything. I just need to understand what got you guys here. To do that we have to start at the beginning. This is your beginning. No, it’s not conventional but I’ve made a whole career on unconventional marriages. You two are still here ten years later. We are only at the beginning. Don’t feel like you need to keep defending your actions.” 

I look at Kara to see how she felt about this. She was always the more trusting one. Her eyes meet mine for what feels like the first time in days. They’re a deeper blue than I remember. She nods slightly telling me to go on. It was still my turn. 

“She had transferred into my class very abruptly. It was my first year teaching and I wasn’t sure how to get her caught up.” 

Kara looks out the window and I want to grab her hand. Am I allowed to? “The whole faculty knew the story before me and I think I was the only one who wasn’t letting her just float by in classes.” 

“I mentioned earlier. My parents died.” Kara runs her hand through her hair then recrosses her arms. Honestly, we don’t talk about her family much. Or at least we haven’t in years. She gets a small strawberry shortcake for her mom’s birthday and flowers for the garden on her father’s birthday but that’s about it. 

“This is hard to talk about?” 

“It’s not easy.” Kara huffs. 

Maybe I should end this. Maybe I make a stink and demand we try a different doctor. She seems smaller than she had in years. I guess that’s not true. She’s been small lately but this isn’t my doing. “You don’t have to. It doesn’t have anything to do with why we’re here.” 

Dr. Ruth turns to me. “And what makes you so sure of that?” 

“Well, they aren’t here. I wish they were, obviously, I want them to be here for Kara but sadly they aren’t. We don’t fight because of them. They can’t disapprove or disagree. We didn’t embarrass them. If it hurts her to talk about them then why should we open the wound?”

Kara takes my hand and slightly smiles at me. “Hey, I’m fine.”

Why do I feel like I just ran a mile? I was panicking for her. 

“Would you say your protective Lena?” 

I squeeze Kara’s hand liking this way better. “Protective? Yes, I suppose. She’s my wife.”

“Kara, would you say Lena is protective?” 

“Of course, I think she would say the same for me.” 

“Is it even?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“Does it have to be?” I ask 

Kara chuckles with a smile. “It’s okay that you're more protective than me. You’re older, I was broken when we met, and it’s one of my favorite traits about you.” 

“You weren’t broken,” I say back sternly. 

“I was. I don’t mind saying that.” 

“Would you like to tell me what makes you think you were broken?” 

“I was fifteen, our house got broken into. They .... they shot my parents and left me locked in the room with their bodies until the police came. They took everything they could carry.” 

She looks at me with a tear in her eye and I quickly move closer to her kissing her hand. 

“My parents were both in the foster system so no family. I got pushed around the system for almost a year before I ended up with the Danvers in Midvale. I was so lucky they brought me home.” 

“Have you been able to grieve your parents?”

“It’s been ten years.” She says as though that answers it. 

“No,” I answer for her. 

She looks at me almost betrayed.

“Shit, sorry,” I say holding her hand tight for a moment.

“No, Lena please explain that. Why don’t you think so?” Dr. Ruth encourages. 

Oh, man this isn’t going to help me. 

“We don’t talk about them.” 

“I don’t want to talk about them.” 

“They died and that’s tragic, you went from home to home for a year and that’s tragic, you were the girl the whole school talked about and that’s tragic. Then I start tutoring you. You never had time to grieve.” 

“You are not another tragic thing that happened to me.” She says sternly.

Now I’m sure I’m looking at her with a little pity but I hope love is more forefront. 

“Thank you for sharing all that Kara.” Dr. Ruth says snapping us out of the trance we were in. Kara looks annoyed again. 

“This makes me sound like I was this vulnerable child. It makes Lena sound like a predator. This isn’t why I wanted to come here.” Kara takes her hand back and crosses her arms again. 

“You’re angry?” 

Well, duh, lady. 

“Yes, I’m getting angry. We have spent enough time explaining ourselves to people and I’m mad I just made us do it again. You have no idea how many times Lena almost left because she felt like a horrible person for loving me. I just-“ she sighs “It sounds so bad but it’s not.” 

Dr. Ruth leans back taking a moment to write notes. 

Kara eyes me. I can’t help here. I am just hoping she doesn’t ask me more questions. 

“I’m curious as to why you feel you have to keep defending yourself even after I told you it’s not necessary. Well not defending yourself, Kara you have been very much defending Lena.” 

“She won’t do it.” 

The doctor turns back to me. Great. “Lena is that true?” 

I shrug. 

“Why do you think that is?” 

“Why I won’t defend myself?” I ask. 

Dr. Ruth nods. 

“I don’t owe you anything. At the end of the day if you don’t like our relationship and how it started we simply don’t come back.” I can hear my business voice. 

“You don’t care if people like your relationship?”

“I don’t care if you like our relationship. I’ll admit outside opinions do weigh on me. Kara’s adopted family, unfortunately sometimes my family, for a while Midvale. I care a great deal more than I wish to but like I said. If you don’t like us we don’t have to be here.” 

“You don’t defend yourself ever,” Kara says. 

“I do too. See.” 

She almost smiles, almost. 

“Lena, can I ask you about your family?” 

I look back at the doctor, she’s starting to become a pain in my thigh. Saying yes would mean I’m not open and willing to do the work. Saying no after Kara just opened up about her parents would make me an insensitive tool. Yet saying no means I have to talk about my family. 

“You’re hesitant.”

“Is your job just to say what emotions and actions we’re experiencing? Is that what I’m paying so much for?” I say annoyed. I bit my lip and avoid looking at Kara because I’m sure she was either surprised I snapped or just happy it’s not her I snapped at for once. 

“Lena,” Kara says trying to bring me back. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just annoying.” I clear my throat. “What about my family?”

“Do you talk to them? You said you left everything to teach. I assume that means you ended all forms of communication with them too?”

“I did. Lex, he killed so many people. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. I still don’t.” 

— flashback high school

It hasn’t been a particularly good day as far as I was concerned but I am thankful for the routine that was only getting more and more mindless with each passing day. Lesson plans are on track. Alarms set for the same times every day, my life is literally moving like clockwork. The move to Midvale is finally starting to pay off in more ways than just getting away from my family. In the teacher’s lounge, I sit sipping on tea and reading a novel while the severely outdated tv spits out news about my mother’s latest interview on Lex’s trial. Lillian had quickly been cast as the caring mother soon after the attack and for some reason, she had developed a following. It’s a highly publicized trial so any little update threatens my peaceful new life the second it breaks. 

Sam comes in and turns the tv off immediately. “You know, you could’ve done that.” She says to me. 

I look up from my book. “I can’t keep people from being informed just because it’s not the news I like.”

“Of course, you can.” Sam sits next to me and pokes my book. “Maybe you should have applied for my job.” 

“Reading books doesn’t make me qualified to teach English.” 

“Reading a new book daily should.” 

“I have no interest in rereading catcher and the rye for the rest of my life.” 

Sam chuckles. “Me either but here we are.” 

“Did you get the new Danvers kid?” One of the teachers asks another as they walk in.

Sam perks to attention. “Kara, right?” 

I look back down at my book. She was added to my class this morning but I fail to see how that’s worthy of gossip. 

“It's good of the Danvers to take her in,” Sam says turning back to me.

I look up with one eye and she waits to tell me something. I smile, “How was your night Sam?” 

“Well, since you asked.” Don’t ask me how it happened but somehow this girl is my friend now. “I met someone.” 

I put my book down. “Where?”

“We’ve been talking online for a while. Last night we met in person. It went well.”

“Do they like kids?” I ask for Sam’s daughter.

“Yes, obviously I’m not going to have her meet Ruby yet but she knows about her and is open to everything.” 

“That’s great Sam.” 

“Speaking of Rubs, pizza after school with us?” 

I look up at the tv that was no longer on. I shouldn’t. I promised the school I’d stay out of the news until it came time for me to testify. “Can I make you two dinner tomorrow? I am trying to lay low. People know I’m here now since I’m teaching they’re kids.” 

“They don’t care.” 

“Because I’m laying low and they haven’t seen me. Just trust me, you don’t want to be seen in town with Lex Luthor’s baby sister.” 

“Fine, dinner but Lena you deserve to have a life.”

“I’m enjoying the quiet.” 

“I know, I just don’t want that to also mean loneliness.” 

I smile. She was nice. Genuinely kind. To be surprised people like her exist speaks volumes about the hell I’ve come from. 

The warning bell rings and I mark my book putting it away. ”I appreciate it Sam. You’ve been a good friend, thank you.” 

She smiles and refills her coffee cup. 

I make my way out to the hall and you wouldn’t guess the warning bell has rung. Public school was way different than what I grew up with. We were expected to be in seats on time. We didn’t get a warning. If we were a minute late we wouldn’t be allowed in and would no doubt fail the quiz that week. It wasn’t encouraged to share notes even if someone was out for an illness. This was about making it into an Ivy League school. Missing a day just made it fairer for others. 

“I believe you’re supposed to be heading to my classroom, Mr. Olsen,” I say passing him flirting with the young lane girl. It’s taken a while but I’m getting everyone down to memory. It’s a small town. I’m told after this year it’ll be easier to remember who is related to who and what each kid is like beyond their disinterest in biology. Right now they’re just the faces of the kids in my first year teaching. I can’t wait until all my years teaching fade into one. I’ll have an idea of what’s worked by then. My lesson plan can just be printed out yearly. That’s the dream. 

“Coming Miss. Luthor.” 

The muscles tighten in my jaw. “Mr. Olsen.” I stop walking, this damn last name. 

“Miss. Lena.” He corrects quickly. 

“I thank you, please don’t be late for my class,” I say heading up the stairs. Changing your last name sounds simple but when you desperately trying to stay away from court filing to change your last name doesn’t make much sense. I had hoped the school would let me go by my birth name but they didn’t want to appear to be hiding the fact that I worked there. Miss Lena, it is. 

I arrive at my class to see Cat Grant standing beside a teen who was leaning on a locker. She was wearing a baggy hoodie and track pants very disinterested in being here. “Good morning Mrs. Grant.” 

“Miss. Luthor,” she says as I swallow my need to correct her like I would my students. 

She steps aside. “I know you must have seen you have a new student today. This is Kara Danvers.” 

The blonde half-heartedly waved. 

“Welcome Miss. Danvers, you can call me Miss. Lena.”

Cat and I both wait for the young blonde to say something. Anything. But she doesn’t. Cat gives me a pitiful look like she’s been dealing with this all day. I open the door and gestured inside. The blonde takes that as her cue and goes in. 

Cat and I fall back.

“Could you walk her to English next with Miss. Arias?”

I nod. “Of course.” 

“Alright, good luck.” Mrs. Grant says leaving me. 

I turn to the blonde who already had her feet up on another desk. 

“Up please.” 

She looks up with a question but doesn’t move. I go to a desk in the front. “We have seats in this classroom. This will be yours.” 

“Seats? None of my other classes did seats.” 

“When it comes to labs and safety it’s more important that I have a record of who sits where. That and I find it’s helping with remembering everyone’s name. Please, if you would move to your seat.” 

I don’t watch her. I turn to pull the worksheets out. “We have a quiz Friday on chapter three. I also need you to pass the safety test before you can work with the lab equipment.”

“I’ll have to do the test on Friday?” She asks. 

“Of course.” 

“Oh... okay.” She says slumping in her seat. I turn my back to write on the board. 

“I’m sorry about your brother Miss. Lena,” Kara says before she puts her head down on her desk. 

I turn back around to look at her and Winn Schott enters sitting in his spot right next to her. 

“Thank you, Miss Danvers.” 

It was odd. Nobody has said that to me. There was a lot of pointing and staring but nobody has ever said they were sorry for my loss. Or sorry it happened. I lost my brother that day and a 16-year-old girl is the first person to get that?

— present 

“She showed you compassion?” Dr. Ruth concludes. 

“I was clearly running from my feelings about the whole situation and this girl who didn’t seem to care about much knew enough to be kind.” 

“Is that when you fell for her?”

Kara chuckles. “Absolutely not.”

“You have to know, Kara wasn’t Kara then. She was a shell.” I say. 

Kara shakes her head. “I don’t remember meeting her for the first time. My last Foster home before the Danvers, they had taken me to a shrink who put me on antidepressants that just turned me into a zombie. I was weeding off of them at this point.”

Dr. Ruth looks at our history. “You’re not on pills now?”

“I haven’t been since.”

“She didn’t need them then the system just didn’t have time to let her grieve,” I say filling the holes. 

“I think I was wearing a tracksuit?” Kara chuckles. “They were all the Danvers had that fit me.”

“You took the Danvers’ last name very quickly.” 

“They asked me too. At the time, being one of the Danvers girls sounded better to me than being the only El left.” 

Dr. Ruth writes. “I would love to start back here tomorrow if you don’t mind.” 

Kara had asked that we go a few times in the first week. She knew there would be a lot to explain before we finally got to the reason we were here and she didn’t want to wait that long to start working on us. Kara takes her hand away from me and reaches it out to Dr. Ruth. 

“Thank you for clearing your schedule for us.”

Both stand and shake. “Thank you both for coming in and trusting a stranger with your stories.”

Alright, let’s not pretend the good doctor isn’t being paid a great deal to put up with us. I stand and shake her hand and leave. 

Kara follows behind me. We were walking distance from my office. When we get in the elevator she leans on the wall much like the teen on the locker. 

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Are you?” She asks back as if she can’t believe I would be. 

I shrug and she looks forward. 

“I’m going to walk to the water. Want to come?” She asks after a moment of silence. 

“I have a meeting.” 

“Of course you do.” 

“Come on Kara, my whole week is fucked because of this.” 

“I’m sorry you find working on our marriage so taxing.” 

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Dammit, that isn’t what I meant.” 

“I know.” She steps forward eager to get off the elevator. 

“Don’t you have to work?” I ask. 

“I took the day off. I figured I’d be drained.” 

“I wish you told me that.” 

I can tell she’s smiling annoyed even with her back to me. “You wouldn’t have heard me.” 

“That’s not fair.” but she's right. I probably wouldn't have.


	2. Living By The Water

She walks out of the elevator quickly, and I follow, letting my heels click throughout the lobby. 

“Kara, just let me call in to cancel my meetings.”

She stops and turns around. “Forget it. Go to work. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“I will call in.” 

“I don’t want you to anymore.”

“Kara, honey, please just let me make the call.” 

She flinches, possibly at the nickname or maybe my refusal of her protest. 

“Please?” I repeat. 

“Fine.” She walks over to the waiting area and sits on the arm of the love seat. It’s not a good feeling, knowing that the one person you love over everything hates you. I know she still loves me, that’s why we’re here, but she also hates me, and I don’t see how that will disappear. 

I take my phone out. “Eve, I am sorry to do this, but please cancel my day...no. I won’t be in at all. Give them times for next week to reschedule... sure, have them delivered to my place.” 

I watch Kara looking around the lobby admiring the design. She loves big buildings like this. She’s only ever lived in small towns. 

“Thank you, Eve.” I hang up and walk over to her.

“Would you like me to call Harold?” I ask. 

“I was planning on walking. Will you make it in your heels?” 

“I’ll be fine,” I say, holding my hand out. 

She takes my hand, getting up, and thankfully she keeps it when we walk. I want to memorize the feeling of her hand holding mine. It’s been a while, and I’m getting spoiled today. 

We walk in silence for a long time, letting the weight of the last hour crash onto us. So many things we said that we avoid. So many memories we don’t like to bring up. 

“Do you want to continue with Dr. Ruth?”

“I don’t want to start over with someone else.” She says as if she already thought about it. 

“That’s hardly a reason to keep going to someone.” 

Kara thinks. “I didn’t mind her.” 

“Okay.”

“What about you?”

“I think I would be annoyed by anyone asking personal questions.” 

Kara nods. “I know.” 

“If you like her, that’s enough for me,” I say, looking forward. 

Kara takes a deep breath. “Do you ever think I need to go back on the pills?”

Oh, this is a trap. 

“That’s not for me to say.” 

“But you would see things I wouldn’t.” 

I can understand that logic. I take my time to think about it. We have had some high highs and very low lows. She has her days, but so do I. Everyone does. 

“Lena?” She asks, getting nervous. 

“No, I don’t think you should have been on them in the first place.” 

She leans into me a little as we walk and kisses my hand. I want to tell her how much I have missed her, but that could only jinx us. 

“I feel that way too, but I’m always worried I’m blind to something.” 

“Your not.” 

She smiles, relieved. 

“Do you think I get through the next appointment without talking about Lex?”

She chuckles. “Absolutely not.” 

I smile. “She’s definitely going to recommend solo sessions soon.” 

“Oh, without a doubt.” 

We walk for a little longer. This was going well so far. I have to keep it going smoothly. Not every conversation has to end in an argument. We can do this.

”Did I ever tell you that my Dad, birth Dad used to tell me we would live on the water someday?” 

“No.”

“He would tuck me in as a kid telling me stories of the lives he was busting his butt to give us. We didn’t have much, barely two bedrooms, no hot water for most of my childhood. I think potatoes must have been all my major food groups, but he worked so hard. He wanted us to live on the water. Didn’t care if it was the sea or the lake; he just wanted to be able to fish.” 

“Well, we know where you got that determination from.” 

She smiles, but it fades. “I must’ve seen the ocean when I got there, but for some reason, in the middle of my first night with the Danvers, I woke up and realized I now lived on the water.” 

“If you had to be somewhere, I'm sure he would have liked you being there.”

“That’s what it felt like. I didn’t know if I was staying for good yet, but it was the first time it felt at least a little right. As right as it could feel, at least.” 

We make it to the entrance of the pier. She goes to the edge and looks out. It’s nice to know what she’s thinking about. I spend so much time trying to guess that.

“I slept outside on a lawn chair that night listening to the waves. Poor Eliza thought I ran away.” 

I smile, being able to picture it. 

“You’ve never told me all that before.”

She nods. “All those memories seem so hazy. I don’t trust them. Plus, your mom. I know water doesn’t have the same calming effect for you.”

I look forward to the wave crashing to the shore. “It doesn’t, but that shouldn’t mean you can’t tell me stuff like that. The door has always been open for you to talk about them.” 

“I know that.” She pauses. “You’ve had tragic stuff happen too.” She brings back from the session. I take a deep breath. 

“I don’t hate the water.” I sigh. “Not particularly fond of that day, but I don’t think she intended to make me fearful of the water. I was three. Even if I knew what was going on, I wouldn’t have been able to help.”

“When you told me, you said you watched her do it.” 

“I watched from the shore waiting for her to reappear. She never did.” 

Kara leans onto me again, and I kiss her head. 

“There is such a difference between my mother and your parents,” I say, wrapping my arm around her. 

“I don’t see it that way. We both had to grow up really fast.” 

She’s right about that. Time passed for a while as I hold her, and we just listen to the waves. 

“Thank you for coming,” Kara says in a small voice. 

“Thank you for letting me. Do you want me to schedule an hour after our sessions to do stuff like this? We can get lunch or just walk around the city?”

“That would be nice.” She looks up at me, hopeful.

“Okay, let's do that.” 

She smiles at me.

If we were trying to hurt each other, she’d say something about how this will be the most she’s seen me since we moved, but I’m trying here. I’m trying despite the hell it will make things at work. 

“Do you miss teaching?” Kara asks. 

“Not in Midvale,” I say quickly. 

She sighs. “I know that, but teaching in general?”

I know what she wants me to say. 

“I don’t.” 

That wasn’t it.

“You miss my teaching.” I don’t ask; just state for the fact it is. 

“I haven’t kept that very secret.” 

I can feel her body tensioning just like my own. “I don’t want to fight.” 

She nods and steps away. “I shouldn’t have asked. I just miss our lives before National City.” 

“That I miss too.” 

She smiles, and I think about how that’s maybe what she was actually asking. Do I miss not fighting? Do I miss not working so much? Do I miss her? 

“Kara honey, of course, I miss you.” 

She looks back out at the water. “I’ve been missing you for over a year, Lena.” 

“I know.” 

Looks back at me with her eyes watering. “But you are trying. I’m thankful for that.” 

I smile at her and wipe her tears. “I will do whatever it takes.” 

“I wish I knew what that was.” 

“For now, it’s a day off with you by the water. Tomorrow, we will have to see.” 

Kara wipes what’s left of her tears and looks at me, thinking. She’s so beautiful. Especially when she’s showing her strength, she looks down the pier and retakes my hand. “I’d like to walk.” 

I kick off my heels and pick them up, holding them in my free hand. She smiles at me, and we walk down the pier. Passing the booths and stands. The couples and kids. She gets excited about root beer floats from the old fashion soda fountain. We sit and enjoy the float and people watching. I push away the thought of how many people are taking pictures of us—recognizing us. Those thoughts never seem to worry her. 

— flashback high school

“Good morning Miss. Danvers,” I say the young girl who has barely cracked a smile the first week of being in school with us. There was a difficult conversation coming, and I was thankful for her arriving so early every day. 

She puts her head on the table in front of her without a word. I get up from my seat and walk over to her, kneeling in front of her table. “Miss. Danvers, I’m going to need you to retake the lab test.”

She puts her head on her hand as if her head was too heavy. “I took that already, right?”

“You did. I can’t let you participate until you pass, and you’ve already missed one lab last week. Tomorrow you would miss another.”

She doesn’t seem to be paying full attention. Her outfit seems washed, but it’s one of the two outfits I’ve seen her in. 

“Miss. Danvers.”

“That’s not my name.” She snaps and looks at me finally. 

I’m confused. Kara Danvers, that’s her name. “Excuse me?” I ask sternly yet concerned. 

She looks shocked as she surprised herself. “I’m sorry.” 

This was a first, but I start to think maybe things aren’t right. I get up and walk to the door closing it.

“Miss. Danvers, I have to ask you if everything is okay at home?”

She looks trapped. Shit. They didn’t tell me what to do here. Who am I supposed to call? Cat or the social worker? 

“My name isn’t Kara Danvers yet.” She spits out nervously. “The adoption has not gone through and ..... either way; it doesn’t feel like my name yet.” 

Oh shit. 

“You’re adopted?” I ask. Maybe that’s something Cat should have told me. 

“The Danvers are great. They haven’t done anything bad or anything like that. Please don’t call on them. They want me to be a Danvers really bad. I ... I just.” 

“How about Miss. Kara?” I ask quickly. 

She thinks. “Okay.”

“I’m not a fan of my last name right now either.” I walk back over to her desk and kneel again.

“I think I will someday.” 

“Kara, you are allowed to take your time.” 

She’s exhausted. “You think?”

“How about I write you a pass to the nurse? You can nap during this class. We can talk about your makeup test tomorrow.” 

“Okay.” She says agreeably, getting up. 

I stand and go to my desk and grab my notepad writing info for the nurse. I open the door to Mr. Schott, ready to come in. “Perfect. Mr. Schott, will you make sure Miss. Kara here gets to the nurse, alright?” 

“Is she okay?” He asks, immediately making me nervous she’s getting too much-unwanted attention. 

“Just show her the way, please. Then come back.”

Kara leans on Winn, and they walk down the hall. He was her lab partner, so at least I didn’t just hand her off to a stranger. I should have been fully warned. I was talking to her about a failed test when she looks like she isn’t even sleeping. 

What. The. Fuck. 

This might have been the longest class yet. All I want is to leave these students and go talk to Cat or even Sam. Somebody has to know something. 

“I expect chapter 4 to be finished by the quiz on Friday, so please get started on that tonight,” I say to teens who aren’t listening. I look at the clock and grab my bag. “Free to go,” I say, walking out of the class as the bell rings. I rush down the hallway and the stairs right to Cat Grant's office. I pass her assistant and knock right on her door. 

“Come in.” 

I open the door and lean on it after closing it behind me. “You didn’t tell me Kara ...” don’t say Danvers “the new girl Kara was adopted. I’ve been calling her Miss. Danvers for a whole week.”

“That’s her name.” 

“You can’t be serious. You should have told me!” 

“Lena, it’s fine.” 

“Have you ever been adopted? it’s not fine; she looks distraught.” 

“I assumed you heard. The whole faculty was talking about it.” 

I cross my arms, don’t get me started on adults gossiping about students. “I am new here. I have one friend, and we don’t talk about our student’s personal lives.” 

“Is Miss. Danvers, okay?”

I throw my hands up. “I don’t know. She hasn’t kept her eyes open for more than 20 minutes in my class all week. She’s already failing, and you had me believing she was a lazy teen. What are the other teachers doing about this?”

“Nobody has reported that she’s having problems.” 

I cross my arms, wanting to ask if people were fucking blind, but I’m borderline yelling at my boss right now. I take a pause and calm myself. “Should I call her adopted family or social services?” 

“The Danvers aren’t bad people.” 

“How would I know that?” 

“Call them. You can always talk to social services after if that’s what you think.” 

“Will you stand in for my next class for a few minutes?”

Cat stands and flattens her skirt. “I can do that.” 

“Thank you.” I leave and head over to the nurse's office. The nurse looks up as she sees me coming. 

“She is still sleeping. I didn’t have the heart to make her get up.” The nurse says in a whisper. 

The room lights were off with just a lamp on by the desk. The nurse and Kara are the only ones around.

“I can explain it to Sam. She’ll be fine for this period too.”

“Her mother warned us she’d be tired, but surely this warrants some sick days.”

Maybe this was actually on me. Everyone seems to know about this girl. “You’ve talked to her mother?”

“Yes, Mrs. Danvers had called us once she started to make sure we were aware.” 

Aware of what?

She was reading from a file on the computer. I wonder if she’s sick. Adopting a sick teen would probably give this family the Nobel peace prize. 

“Do you mind if I call Mrs. Danvers from here?” I ask. 

“Actually, not at all. I would love to heat my lunch up in the lounge. Would you stay until I get back?” 

“Not a problem.” 

“Thank you, Lena.” She rushes up and grabs her lunch out of the cooler, then leaves. 

I think I’m allowed to see her file, but I don’t want to. My life has been poked and prodded since lex; I can’t do that to someone else. I just look at the emergency contact and dial the number into the ancient cord phone by the computer.

“Hello?” A woman answered. 

“Mrs. Eliza Danvers?” I ask. 

“Yes.” 

“Hi there, I’m Lena Luthor, your adopted daughter’s, well, both your daughter's biology teacher.”

“Oh hello, is everything alright?”

“Yes, Kara is fine just... I don’t know, exhausted? She’s been sleeping through my class.”

“Oh, no. I was afraid of that.” 

“Is she sleeping at home?” I ask.

“She is a lot. She was in the foster system a while before coming to us, and we’re still working on getting her off some of the drugs they were pumping into her. I can be there in 15 mins to pick her up.”

“You want to come to get her?” 

“That’s probably best. She has so much energy in the morning I wanted to believe she could make it the whole day, but wishful thinking, I guess. Thank you for letting me know.”

“Not a problem.” 

“Okay, I’ll be right there.” Eliza hangs up, and I look over to the blonde sleeping with her hood up. 

I stand and walk over to the bed and turn on the light wanting her to wake up but not wanting her to get scared. She pokes her head out of her hoodie. 

“Miss. Lena?”

I smile. “Eliza is coming to get you.”

She half-smiles. “You can say, Danvers.” 

I chuckle. “Mrs. Danvers is coming to get you.” Oh, that felt better. 

“Sorry, I ruined your day.” 

“You didn’t. Your adopted sister might have it worse. Mrs. Grant is stepping in for me right now.” 

Kara laughs. 

“Do you need to get anything from your locker?”

She shakes her head. 

“You don’t have homework?” I ask. 

Kara shrugs. “Maybe?”

“What are the other teachers doing?” 

“What do you mean?” She asks.

“I’m assuming you aren’t just sleeping in my class. You haven’t turned in homework, and you didn’t pass the quizzes I gave you Friday. Is that just my class?”

“Nobody else is giving me homework.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs. “I think they all feel bad for me. They just tell me to put my head down, and they let me sleep.”

I try to keep my anger to myself. What the fuck is going on in this backwater hillbilly town? She’s not an idiot just needs some help.

“I'm going to see to it that stops, okay?”

She nods. 

“How would you feel about me tutoring you to help catch you up?” 

“Why would you want to do that?” She asks. 

That question irritated me too. Not because she asked it because she had to.

“Well, frankly, I’m agitated nobody else has offered.” I sigh. “I was adopted too.”

She smiles, looking at me like she couldn’t figure me out. “I still have a little longer on the antidepressants. I’m almost down to two pills a day.” 

Antidepressants, why would they give her those? She’s barely sixteen.

“We will work around that, okay?” 

She nods. 

“Great.” 

The nurse must have snuck in behind me. I turn. “Mrs. Danvers is picking her up.”

“Oh, that’s great. You’ll be able to rest it off.”

“Hopefully,” Kara says, stretching her arms out. 

I look down and feel better. We have a little plan. Sure, I don’t know everything, but I want to help. Not just talk about her and let her fail without a word being said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading this fic, it means a lot to me. I was so nervous to start posting these. 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lets-make-right


	3. This House Isn’t a Home Without You

— present-day

In typical Kara fashion, we end up at a restaurant sipping wine and eating more appetizers than the meal she ordered. This is why I rarely order a meal. She wants to try everything, and I can make my meal out of the scraps left behind. 

“We have to remember the homemade pretzels here are the best,” Kara says with her mouth full. 

“I will add it to your list.”

She takes another bite and smiles with pleasure. I cross my legs. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that smile, and it does things to me. 

The waiter comes with the check, and she reaches for it.

“Kara,” I say sternly.

“This is not a business meal. I pulled you away from your business today.”

“Kara, give me the check.”

“You didn’t even get anything.”

“Honey.”

She puts her card in the folder and hands it to the man. “Independence.” She quotes from one of our fights. 

“You know the Luthor money is yours too. Use it.”

“I have my own.”

“I know that.”

“I can buy dinners too.” 

“I know, but.”

“So, maybe say thank you and just let your wife pay for dinner. It’s what I do.”

I lean back in my seat and drain my wine. She sips at hers, clearly annoyed. Well, that makes two of us. 

She finishes the last of her wine, and I stand. “I’ll be outside.” 

“Because I bought dinner?” She asks. 

“Yep.” I head out, letting the fresh air hit me. Is our life only ever going to be her throwing fights in my face? Why would I work to fix that? What sane person wants that?

When she comes out, she bites her lip, not knowing what to say. 

“It was going too good?” I ask as we walk. 

“Oh, give it a rest. It’s a $64 check Lena. What’s the point in me having a paycheck if you never want me to use it?”

“You don’t even need to work.” 

She stops walking and looks at me like I better jump right in front of that taxi where I belong. 

“When I came here to take over the company....” I start. 

“YOU,” she yells. “You came here for LuthorCorp! I came here for you.” 

I look around at the people. 

She nods, continuing to walk. 

“Harold will be around the block,” I say, glancing at my phone.

“I’ll walk.” 

“Kara, please, it’s getting dark.”

Harold drives to the corner, and Kara hops in. I close the door behind me. The partition was already up. 

“How dare you, you know how hard I’ve worked.” She says, crossing her arms sitting at the complete other ends of the limo. 

“I do. I’m just saying you don’t need to anymore.” 

“I can’t fucking believe you.” She says, baffled.

“I work my ass off every single day. What is the harm in offering you a life where you don’t have to work? I don’t get it.”

“And what do you suppose I do all day while you are at work, Lena? Sit at home and wait for you not to come home? Is that what you want?” 

I look down.

“If that’s what you wanted, you should’ve let me fail high school because the woman you married isn’t taking that shit. I’m tired of being your wife when it’s convenient. When you deem it important.”

“That is not true.”

“You know what happens when you’d stop showing up?” She asks. 

“What, Kara?” 

“People build lives without you.” She points at me. “You remember that this day was ruined because I bought dinner. You go ahead and let yourself believe I’m a monster for that.” 

Harold pulls in front of the hotel, and Kara gets out without even looking at me. 

I was hoping she would have maybe come home tonight, but there go those thoughts. “Kara, please.”

She keeps the door open and turns around, rolling her eyes. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I know your work is important. I wasn’t saying it wasn’t.”

“Mhmm.” 

“You coming tomorrow?”

“Is it worth it? We couldn’t even last a day.”

“Is our marriage worth it?” I asked, shocked. 

“We could bow out now and still like each other at least a little.” 

“I don’t want a divorce.”

“I don’t want a loveless marriage.” She says. 

“You don’t love me?” I ask. 

“I’m giving what I’m receiving, so you are going to have to tell me how that’s coming off.” 

“That is not true.” 

She huffs and slams the door walking into the hotel past the doorman. She did let me pay for this only because what she would be able to afford alone wouldn’t have given her the security we sometimes need. 

Harold buzzes in. “Mrs. Danvers - Luthor, home next?”

“Yes, Harold.” 

I have to believe this was every fight we ignored today, not just this one, even though the ringing in my head of guilt does tell me I shouldn’t have been so aggressive. What is the big deal if she pays? Why does this change always spark anger in me? 

The hotel wasn’t far. When she left, it was the middle of the night, so she didn’t want to go far. 

Harold lets me out, and I make my way to my private elevator. 

Next comes my least favorite part. I was coming home to nothing. She’s right, I haven’t come home a lot since moving here, but when I did, it felt like resetting my batteries. I would see her in bed, and she would hold me tight as we slept. It was familiar and peaceful. 

Now, this house isn’t a home at all. It’s cold and dark. Far too big. 

I take my phone out to text her.

Lena: I’m sorry. I know I messed that up. Thank you for dinner.

...

Kara: thank you.

I take a deep breath and put my phone on the counter. Eve had delivered the paperwork as promised. I pour myself another glass of wine and miss the days where paper just meant marking wrong answers on lab reports— envious of the mindlessness of my old work life. 

It didn’t take long for the wine to make it hard to concentrate. I picked at my dinner, and we both drank our fair share. I set to the bedroom and dress in Kara’s sweats like I’ve done every night this week. I didn’t even bother with my make up. I didn’t even care about my phone being charged. Tomorrow was going to be a rough session, and the thought of it was exhausting. 

——

I wake to Kara slipping into bed. 

“Kara?”

“I’m not back.” She says through tears.

I sit up immediately and turn the light on. She is sobbing. Her sleeves were tear-stained, and she’s red and puffy. 

“Kara, honey.” 

She digs her head into my chest and continues her crying. I hold her as if my life depended on it.

“I haven’t dreamt about that night in years.”

“You are safe.” 

I lay us back down, and she clings to me like a lifeline. I scratch her back soothingly and keep repeating that she’s safe. It was nearly 4 in the morning. I want to ask how she got here, but I don’t. I just keep up my rhythmic soothe until her crying was silent and her breathing was slower. This isn't what I pictured when I dreamt of holding her again. I don’t want her to be fearful or sad, but I get to hold her. I have to take it. 

——  
I couldn’t fall back asleep, so when her light snoring started up, I snuck out of bed and did paperwork from the armchair placed on Kara’s side of the room. Typically where dirty clothes pile up but thankfully not now. I look up every time she moves, but nothing comes of the movement. When the sun started to come up, I go to the kitchen and begin making coffee and breakfast. I was surprised I finished without her waking. Piling the food and coffee on a tray, I make my way slowly to our room and place the tray on my nightstand and get back into bed, running my hands through her hair. 

“Do you work today?” I ask. 

Her eyes open slowly. “Yes.” She mumbles. 

“Then you should get up,” I say, cupping her cheek with my hand and leaning down to kiss her forehead. 

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Please don’t apologize. It would have killed me to find out you went through that alone.”

“I guess talking about it yesterday. Talking about them. Picturing it again.” She melts into my thumb, brushing across her cheek. 

“I’m glad you still came here.” 

She puts her hand on my wrist, kissing my hand then pulling it down so she could sit up. She looks around. “Did you make breakfast?”

I smile and reach over to the tray, grabbing her coffee. “Yes.”

She takes it carefully. 

“Oh, thank you. The coffee at the hotel is not the same.” She takes a sip. 

I carefully place the tray on her lap. She smiles, excited. Food will always be the way to this girl’s heart, no matter how much I’ve screwed up. 

“Waffles too!?” She gushes with a hand to her chest. 

“I know my audience.” I snicker, getting up and walking over to the little table by the armchair and sip my tea. I take my spot back in our bed, crossing my legs and watching her. 

“Did you eat?” She asks. 

“I did. I’ve been up a while.”

She looks worried. 

“Kara, it’s fine.”

“You didn’t fall back asleep?” She wines apologetic. 

“I swear to you, I am fine. I wanted to wake you up if a dream came again anyway.”

She smiles sweetly. “I appreciate that.”

I nod. “Of course.” 

She looks at the clock. “Oh, I better eat.”

“I’m going to steam my shirt. Do you need one of yours?” I ask, getting up again. 

“Please, any of my button-ups.” She shoves a piece of food in her mouth. 

“What’s on your schedule?” 

“They aren’t sending me out this week since I could easily get stuck on a call and miss our appointment, so I have two in-office check-ins; then I’ll see you at Dr. Ruth’s.” 

Thank goodness she’s still coming. 

“I have a meeting with Morgan Edge.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

I laugh, going into the closet and picking out a shirt for her. I hold it up for her. 

She nods. 

“Perfect.” I go back and pick out my own. When I come back out of the closet, she’s gone to the kitchen. I hang the shirts up in the bathroom. She comes in, sipping her coffee. 

“Breakfast was delicious, thank you.” 

“Your very welcome.” I turn the steamer on and wait for it to heat up. “Can I ask how you got here at 4 am?” 

“I called Harold.” 

Oh, thank god.

“That’s great.” 

“I couldn’t drive, and I didn’t want to put a taxi driver through that though I’m sure they’ve seen worse.”

“No, I’m pleased you called him. That’s what he’s there for.” 

“Nightmares?” She jokes. 

“Well, last night, he was yes.”

She looks down, sliding her foot on the marble floor. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like I don’t love you.” 

I nod. “And I didn’t mean to be such a jackass.” I sit by the sink on the counter. “I don’t want you thinking I don’t love your job. You’re right; if anyone knows how hard you worked, it’s me. I will forever be proud of all you’ve accomplished.”

“We have to work with Dr. Ruth on our money problem.” She says, looking down.

“Who would have thought having money would be the problem.” 

She lightly smiles. 

“We have a lot to work through,” Kara says slowly. “But I ... I don’t know if I can spend this week talking about our parents and our mistakes and going to bed alone in a hotel.” 

“You’ll come home?”

“I might move into the guest room when we’re arguing but yes. We chose to work on us. Punishing you when you are finally coming home, as I’ve asked, doesn’t seem helpful.”

”Kara, I. You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“It doesn’t mean you're forgiven.”

I nod.

She nods, avoiding my eyes. It feels a little unfinished, but I turn anyway, steaming out our shirts. It’s weird that out of all our mornings together, this was the one time I can remember me doing more for her than she’d do for me. I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t here. I have been distant and stressed. I know that. But each action I do, like steaming her shirt out and making her breakfast, I am reminded of all the times she’s done it for me. All the times I didn’t even ask. I have a one-track mind, and right now, my playlist is all Kara. If I’m lucky enough to keep her, I will need to learn to keep this. 

She comes behind me and wraps her arms around my body. 

“This place doesn’t feel like home without you,” I say, holding her arms. 

“I know the feeling.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

She turns me around, unplugging the steamer and leading me to the shower. 

—-flashback - high school 

“I’m going to need you to keep your head up,” I say, tapping on the desk in front of Kara. 

She straightens up in her seat and takes a bite of her lunch. Eliza and I had worked out that her lunch and after school a few times a week would be spent with me. She would eat her lunch, and I would basically reteach my class but slower and with a lot of room for questions. I also had all her other courses giving me things to work on with her. Things they apparently were too afraid to tell her she wasn’t getting. Even Sam has been a little guilty but picked up her own effort when I mentioned what I was doing.

“It doesn’t make sense.” 

“Which part?” 

“Why isn’t exergonic the answer?”

I smile because even this was an improvement. “Why do you think?”

“Oh, just say the answer. I clearly don’t know.” She jokes. 

“Look it up and tell me when you find it.” 

She rolls her eyes and flips the pages of her book. 

After she went home, the day I called Eliza, they had kept her out for another week. Giving her body the rest it clearly wanted. Eliza also told me in an email that they found out she wasn’t sleeping through the nights after all, and that’s also what contributed to the falling asleep in class. She came back on the next Monday completely different. More awake. She was dressing differently and even making friends with Winn in class. She was still behind, but way more willing to learn now. 

I sit on my desk and wait. 

“I’m glad to see you’ve retired the tracksuit.” I poke fun. 

She smiles. “I let Eliza take me shopping finally.” 

“Are you settling in better now?”

“It’s still a little weird, but yeah. Alex has started fighting with me, which is oddly nice.” 

“It’s nice fighting with your sister?”

“Well, it seems sisterly at least.” She flips another page and looks at me. “Everyone else treats me like I’m breakable. I kind of like that Alex doesn’t.” 

“I can understand that.” 

“Did you fight with your brother?” 

“No, actually not until we were older.” 

“Maybe that means Alex and I will be friends someday.”

She was hopeful at the idea. So pure. “I bet you will be.” 

“They don’t consume energy.” She reads allowed. 

“So the answer is?” I ask. 

“Anabolic.”

“That is correct. Good job.” I stand again. She takes another sandwich out of her bag and opens it. 

“I think I traded the tiredness for hunger.”

“I read that’s normal,” I say, taking her worksheet and changing her grade on the top of the paper. 

She smiles at the A at the top of her sheet. 

“See, you know it.” 

“I am starting too.” 

“You're doing great. Now, what would you like to work on next? Math, English, history?”

“I like English class.” 

That made me happy. Sam is a great teacher, and I’m glad her students can agree. “Do you need help in English, though? You have a creative writing assignment due soon, don’t you?”

“I do?” 

“Alright, you know what I’m going to say.” 

“Planner.” She digs her planner out of her backpack. 

We came up with a plan to help with the holes in Kara’s memories. Each teacher would write what was due and when in her planner. That way, I knew what to work on with her, and she could get better at getting her assignments in on time. Her math teacher was the only one not getting it, but she wasn’t all that bad at math. 

“It’s due in two days.”

“What’s it on?”

She frowns. “write about your best friend.” 

I’m sure Sam thought it was a safe prompt. Stay away from family, and what teen doesn’t have friends? But the way her mood dropped, I can tell the answer. “I can talk to Miss. Arias.”

“I’ll figure it out.” She says, playing with the ring of her notebook. 

I walk over to her desk and put my hand on hers, stopping her from picking at the planner. “Kara, hey. Let’s talk it out.” 

“I just don’t really have any friends anymore.” 

I kneel in front of the spot she was burning a hole in the floor. I smile when she makes eye contact taking my hand away and placing it on my leg, keeping me balanced. “You will.”

“Not in time for this project.” 

“So we problem solve. Tell me what a friend means to you?” 

“People my age that know everything about me?”

“Where does it say that a best friend has to be your age?” 

“Well, it’s pretty obvious.” 

“And all of America thinks they know everything about me, does that make them my friends?”

“That’s not really the same. The things they say on the news don’t match.”

“I’m glad you think so. Let’s adapt your definition.” 

“Maybe someone caring?”

“It can be anyone or anything, Kara. It could be a pet. Something that came with you from your old home. A mother figure.” I hint.

“Eliza?” 

“She doesn’t feel like family yet, and that’s okay, but maybe she feels like a friend? It’s just a guess.” 

“It won’t be weird to write about her? What if she reads it?” 

“I think she would be thrilled to hear she’s making an impression.” 

She thinks. “She has been very patient.” 

“Give it a shot. If it doesn’t work, we can brainstorm some more.”

She sets to work, and I go back to my desk, sitting down and pulling out my own lunch. 

She looks up at me excitedly then smiles. 

I wink.


	4. Give Me A Reason To Stay

—— present-day 

“She’s just running a little late. I know she had meetings before this.” I say, sitting down. 

“I’m sure she won’t be long.” Dr. Ruth says, sitting and opening her water bottle. “She’s developing a nice reputation with a few of my colleagues.” 

I beam with pride. I know CPS and social workers often work together, and if they were talking kindly about Kara, that meant a whole lot in her field. “It was one of her colleagues that recommended you to us, so the feeling is mutual.” 

Dr. Ruth smiles. “Did she always express interest in working with kids in the foster system?”

“Well, for a while, I don’t think she thought she’d finish high school. When it came time to apply for college, she still doubted how much she could do. She went to community college to figure it out, and by the time she left there, she had decided.” 

“I’m glad she took her time. A lot of kids are better off for it.” 

“Yeah.” 

Kara walks in out of breath. “I’m so sorry, I’m late.” She comes over and kisses my cheek before sitting down next to me. 

“It’s alright, Kara. We were just talking about how good you are at your job.” Dr. Ruth says, making her blush at the compliment. Thankfully a snapback about our argument yesterday isn’t first on Kara’s lips. She takes my hand and smiles at me. 

“You two seem to be a bit more open to each other today.” 

Yeah, let’s not jinx it, lady. 

“We had a good day, bad night, and a better morning.” Kara crosses her legs, getting comfortable.

“What did you two do after you left here?” The Doctor asks. 

“Lena was nice enough to cancel her day at work for me.”

“You don’t know this yet, but that’s unheard of.” I joke. 

Dr. Ruth chuckles. “You both have very important jobs. Stressful jobs. I’m sure that could put a strain on a marriage.” 

Kara nods. “Mine, it comes home with me on an emotional level, but hers just doesn’t stop. She always has more she could be doing. If she doesn’t, she’ll drown in it.” 

“You took over your family’s company, right Lena?”

I nod. “Once my family was out.”

“When was this?” She readies her pen. 

“Almost two years ago.” 

“But you two have been in National city about a year?” 

“I wanted to start the company over in my way. Rename it, hire my people. It felt like the smart thing to do.”

“Get away from your brother’s shadow?” 

“I hardly think he cast any type of shadow,” Kara says, slightly defensive. “Get away from his reputation, maybe.”

I squeeze her hand. We spent a lot of time defending one another. It’s such a knee jerk reaction for both of us. 

“Are you ready to talk about your family Lena?”

“Didn’t we yesterday?”

“I believe I asked you to, and you went into a story about how you and Kara first met.” 

Dammit. 

“What would you like to know?” 

“Are you in contact with your family now?”

“My mother pops in here and there, but she’s still in Metropolis.”

“And Lex?”

“Not a word since he was convicted.”

“Has he reached out?”

“He tried when we got married,” Kara says. 

“Then again, when I took over the company. He sent me letters.” I roll my eyes. “I don’t read them.”

“Your mother seemed to be his biggest cheerleader during his trial.” 

“She had a hard time letting go. He was her son through and through.”

“We’re you closer to your father?”

I shrug. “Lex was really the only one who ever made me feel wanted in that house.”

“Must have been hard to hate him.” Dr. Ruth says. 

“He made it easy.”

“When Lillian pops in, what do you guys do?”

“What do you mean?”

“She comes to town. She asks to see you. What do you do?”

“We normally get dinner,” Kara says. 

“All of you?”

“For a while, I tried to keep Kara away from my mother’s grasps, but Kara didn’t like that.” 

“Why not?”

“I was older at this point. I felt like we had proven we loved each other. She knew my family, and I just wanted to know hers. Good or bad.” Kara says, thinking. “Everything always came back to her being a Luthor. I just wanted to see more of the world I had heard about for so long.”

“Was that hard for you, Lena?”

“Only because I didn’t want her to be wrapped up in the Luthor problems. We had enough of our own.”

“How’s your relationship with Kara’s adopted family?” 

“Not great,” I say, looking at Kara. 

“Neither of us really has one.” Kara’s looking down. 

I hate that this was the truth. I hate that I’m the reason. 

“It must have been hard for you to lose another family, Kara.”

“I gained one too. With Lena.”

“Even so, I assume this was in school?”

Kara closes up right before our eyes, looking down and not answering Dr. Ruth. I shake her hand. 

“It was after high school. Jeremiah found out and kicked Kara out.” I say, looking at Kara. 

“Eliza tried to keep up a relationship with us, but it was hard. He was a stubborn man.” Kara says, looking back up. 

“Was a stubborn man?” Dr. Ruth catches. 

“He died last year.” Kara looks at me and slightly nods just to let me know she was okay. 

“He died?” 

“Heart attack, it was very sudden. He was gone before the EMTs even arrived.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Dr. Ruth writes her notes. 

“We went to the funeral.” I feel the urge to say.

“Oh, you did?” 

“I wanted to.” Kara adds, “probably more for me than him. Well, actually, maybe more for Eliza and Alex.”

“How was your adoptive mother to you?”

Kara smiles. “She welcomed us so freely. We sat with them at the service. I felt like I was part of the family again..... it was nice. As nice as a funeral can be, I guess.” 

Dr. Ruth looks at me. Oh no. Don’t ask me more about this. Please. There is not enough time in the day to hear my rants on the Danvers’. 

“Lena?”

I sigh. “Yes?” 

“You went somewhere just then.”

Dammit.

“She doesn’t like Eliza,” Kara says for me. 

I close my eyes and take a moment. “No, I don’t.” 

“I see.” Dr. Ruth writes more down. 

Great. 

“I don’t think it’s unjustified. She didn’t stand up for you.” I turn to Kara. “You can’t kick your daughter out and tell her you love her all in the same breath. I know I have a twisted sense of family, but even I know that.”

“Can’t a person be forgiven?” Kara asks. 

This is a trap. 

“Yes,” I say immediately. 

“Why not her?” Kara asks quickly.

“Because it feels tainted that it could only happen after Jeremiah died.” 

”Isn’t that for me to decide?” 

“Let’s hold that.” Dr. Ruth saves me. Though I’m sure, that’s not her intention. She lays her pen on the pad holding it there. “Can you tell me how this fight usually ends?”

Kara huffs, and I roll my eyes. 

“How does it end?” Kara exaggerates. “Lena will say we’re not having this discussion again, and that will be that.” 

I cross my arms. “That’s not true.” 

“Oh, that’s rich.” 

“Kara, why would you want her back in your life when she just threw you away?” 

“She’s the only mother I have.” 

“She didn’t act like it.” 

“Okay,” Dr. Ruth tries to bring us back, but it’s too late. All our love from this morning is just going to be a distant memory tonight. Our apartment is going to be colder than the iceberg that hit the titanic. “What do each of you want out of this argument, actually why don’t you answer for each other?”

“What does Kara want from this argument?” I ask.

“People don’t inherently find fighting enjoyable, so why is she willing to do it with you over this? What is she fighting for?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

I know it’s gotta be the Luthor in me that wanted to reply ‘to win?’ But I stop myself because that’s not my Kara. I look over at her. She’s playing with the hem of her skirt. 

“Kara, what does Lena want from this fight?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“Not to forgive Eliza so easily.”

“And Lena?”

“She wants a relationship with Eliza again.” 

“You going to ask if there is a way we can both get what we want here.” Kara states. “But forgiving Eliza even a little bit would be too much for Lena.”

“Is that true?” Dr. Ruth asks Lena. 

I shrug. “She let Jeremiah put their daughter out on the street. We had broken up because more people were finding out....... I wasn’t there. If I didn’t run into her sister at a cafe randomly, I wouldn’t have known. Again, she was alone.”

Dr. Ruth knowingly smiles. “And there it is.”

“What?”

“It’s easier to be mad at Eliza,” Kara answers for Dr. Ruth.

“I am plenty mad at Eliza and Jeremiah to go around.” I scuff. 

“You weren’t dating?”

“Lena was about to lose her job from rumors alone. It was easier for her to deny the rumors If they were no longer true.”

“Which sucked because she finally graduated, but it’s such a small town.”

”So you weren’t around. When she was kicked out.” 

“No.”

“I knew I could call her. I mean, it was our relationship that he was upset about, even if it wasn’t currently happening. I knew she would let me stay on her couch at the very least, but I disagreed with our breakup, especially if my life was still falling apart even with it. I was angry and proud. So I stayed with my friends that went to college. My sister even snuck me into her dorm for a while. I hopped around or slept in my car. It was still better than the system, so I didn’t see a point.”

Lena shakes her head. 

“So Lena, when you found out?”

“She gave me a home.” Kara answers. 

“That's when Eliza tried to keep up a relationship with her despite letting him just kick Kara out.”

“Lena and I mentioned earlier that you went to college, right, Kara?” 

“I did. A community for a while until I transferred to Metropolis University.”

“I eventually transferred to a school district in Metropolis too,” I say, thinking about how much we loved metropolis. The first place we could be ourselves. Together.

“Can I ask who paid for college?” 

Kara takes a deep breath. “Lena.”

“She also took out loans without me knowing,” I add quickly, trying but failing to keep my emotions in check.

“That was a fight too.”

“If you would just let me pay them off.”

“I am perfectly capable.” she looks at me sternly. 

One problem at a time. 

“Finances can’t be a sore spot in most marriages.”

Kara crosses her arms. “Again, it’s a nonstarter.” 

“Yet you start it constantly.” I snap. 

I pick a spot on the floor and stare at it. I bet they’re exchanging some kind of look. 

“I think we should take a step back.” Dr. Ruth says. “We have all week.” 

“We’ll need all year,” Kara says, clearly annoyed. 

She’s so good at making everything my fault. 

“Lena, what would it take to get on board with Kara having a relationship with her mother again?” 

My dead body. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Really, Lena, I want to forgive her. I’d like to get to a point where we can visit her or spend holidays together. What would it take?” 

She wants it so bad, and I know that. I want her to have it. I don’t want to be the reason she doesn’t get love from her mother. 

“What is making you hesitant?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“A lot.”

“Explain that.”

I sigh. “You remember the funeral as the moment you were able to sit with them again. You were apart of the family.” I look at Kara. “I wish I could ignore it, but I was sitting next to you that day, and it felt like this dark cloud followed around me the whole time. The ‘this is what I caused you’ cloud that we ran away from when we moved out of Midvale. I don’t like that feeling, and I don’t see how it will ever go away.”

“Eliza serves as a reminder of things you feel like you’ve done wrong.” Dr. Ruth confirms.

“I guess.”

“Can you maybe talk to Eliza one on one and tell her that?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“Not without admitting that loving Kara is wrong, and I won’t do that.”

“It’s possible to come to terms with parts of your relationship being inappropriate without taking value away from the love you two have grown into.”

I look at Kara again, and she nods slightly at me again. She doesn’t look angry with me anymore. She has a hint of pity in her eyes, maybe, but I’ll take that. This insecurity has turned into quite an ugly monster. 

“I obviously want you to be happy; I am just nervous.”

She takes my hand back. “I know.”

“What about your sister Kara? How is your relationship with her?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“She has a bit of a rocky relationship with Eliza too. We were able to remain close.” 

“That’s fantastic.” 

“She recently moved to National City for work.”

I look over at her. This was news to me. “She did?”

Kara nods. 

Did she tell me this, and I’m forgetting, or is this something that she’s going to chalk up to me not being around? 

“You must be happy, Kara.”

“I am, it’s been hard making friends in National City.” 

“What about you, Lena? Has it been hard for you?”

I shrug. “I don’t have time for friends.”

“Before this, she hardly had time for me.”

“I’m making changes.” I remind Kara. 

“I was just saying your need for friends is a little different than mine.” 

“What are these changes?” Dr. Ruth asks.

“They’re changing as we learn here, but I’m trying not to work as much. Come home every night even if Kara isn’t there.”

“You moved out, Kara?”

“For a little while, but I decided to come back home while we are doing this.” 

“How does that make you feel, Lena?”

“That she’s home? Relieved.”

Dr. Ruth nods. “I’m sure.” 

“We still have a lot of work to do, and I realize a lot of what's wrong is my fault or at least my doing, but I’m happy she wants to work it out with me.” 

“It’s not all you,” Kara says softly, like she doesn’t quite believe her own words. 

“Kara, what are you changing then?” 

Kara looks back at her spot on the floor. 

“Is that a hard question?” 

“I am staying,” Kara says as the words hurt her. “I wanted to leave, but I am staying.” 

She’s not talking about our apartment or walking out on me in an argument. She wanted to leave our marriage. 

“Thank you for staying,” I say, not wanting to look at her. 

“Thank you for giving me a reason to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying not to post more than I'm writing, so I think I'll be sticking to once a week updates. We will see how it goes.   
> Thanks for commenting! I'm loving hearing from you guys.


	5. Don’t Do Me Any Favors

Flashback - High school

Kara might have been doing much better in class but some days seemed harder than others. Today wasn’t a good day. I had to tap on her desk more than once to keep her from putting her head down. Even during the exercise, Winn snapped in her face to knock her out of whatever daydream she was stuck in. This behavior seems to get worse when the students are less inclusive towards her.

“Miss. Kara, what did you and Mr. Schott find?”

Kara shrugs, and I bite my lip to keep from insisting she answers. Winn reads their response aloud instead. 

“Correct. Who has the next answer?” 

The whole lesson seemed to be ignored by Kara, and though I know she’s struggling, we had agreed she would at the very least try. I’m not seeing any effort today, and even if I’m sensitive to her situation, whatever it may be, this can’t continue to fly.

The bell rings in the middle of my closing statement. 

“Please write up your findings separately and have them ready to turn in first thing tomorrow,” I say, putting my hand on Kara’s desk. She puts her head down, knowing she’ll be staying after. 

The whole class files out of my classroom. 

“Are you okay?” I ask because it’s better than ‘what the hell do you think you are doing?’

She looks up, resting her head on her hand. “I guess.” 

“Have you lowered your dosage again? Is there anything wrong at home? Alex giving you trouble? What has you so distracted?” 

“Nightmares.”

“Nightmares?”

“I can’t sleep because of nightmares. Eliza thinks they’re better. She wants them to be better, but the less foggy I feel, the more clear the nightmares get, and it’s just easier to try to stay awake.”

“Only every time you’ve tried that you fall behind in school.”

“Maybe I don’t need school. Maybe I should just -“

“Don’t finish that.” I interrupt. 

“It’s true. I’ll be more help to the Danvers if I work.”

“Kara, you are finishing school.”

She shrugs. 

“Give me the planner.” I hold my hand out in front of me. 

She gets her planner out of her bag. I mark down her assignment in the selection already noted. “I get nightmares too,” I say. 

“You do?”

“My big brother held me captive as he attacked innocent people. Yes, I have nightmares.”

“How did you get them to stop?”

“I’ll let you know when they do.” 

Kara winces at the thought that they might be around to stay.

“You see the school social worker weekly, right?”

“I think I see everyone in this school once a week.”

“That’s why you have to stay in school. We hate rearranging our schedules.”

She smiles, and it feels like a win. 

“Talk to her about your dreams if you can. Sometimes it feels better to take away the hold they have on you.”

Kara nods. 

“And please try a little harder in your other classes. Just because they’ll let you slack doesn’t mean you should let yourself.”

Alex Danvers walks in, juggling her books. “Oh, of course, you’re in my seat.” 

Kara gets up quickly, taking the planner from me. I go back to my desk. 

“Sorry.” Kara puts her planner back in her bag, standing awkwardly in the middle of the class. 

“Miss. Danvers, I hope you’ve got your book this time.” 

She nods, looking at Kara, annoyed. “Don’t be late getting outside. I don’t want to wait all day for you. Josie is having a party, and I’m already going to be late enough having to drop you off at home.”

“Don’t do me any favors.” Kara snuffs. 

“If it were up to me, I wouldn’t.” 

“I’ll walk,” Kara says, leaving.

I clear my throat. 

“Yeah yeah yeah, poor Kara.” Alex rolls her eyes and organizes her desk and books. 

I turn back to the board. I can’t very well punish sisters for fighting even if I would like to. “It must be hard.” 

“You know, I had a life before her too. Nobody asked me if I wanted a sister.” Alex spits out.

I turn and put the top on my marker. “Precisely, what I meant, Miss. Danvers. I was adopted too. My brother had parents that didn’t hate each other before I arrived. You are allowed to have your feelings too. Just seems a little wasted to be irritated with the girl who also didn’t have a say in the matter.” 

Alex shrugs, and it occurs to me that usually, my classroom would be a little more full by now. I place the marker back by the board and walk over to my door. Right before Lucy runs in and looks at me. 

“Miss Lane, where is everyone?” 

“I’m sorry, Miss. Lena but Alex, you're going to want to see this - quickly.” 

Alex looks at me, and the noise in the hall suddenly becomes louder, and I remember that I’m supposed to be assisting in these situations. All three of us rush out of the class. 

“Josie wrote orphan on her locker and- and” Lucy shouts to Alex over the noise. 

Oh fuck me, I should have chosen a college-level class to teach. I make my way through the crowd, Sam breaking up the students on the other end. 

“Go to class NOW!” I shout in my most authoritative voice. In the middle of the crowd was Josie holding Kara’s planner out of her reach and Kara getting ready to not fight with her words.

I was able to get to Kara first, so I pull on the arm she had cocked back, ready to punch the other girl. “What is going on here!?” 

”This freak should go back to where she came from!” Josie shouts, inching closer to Kara. 

I step in front of Kara to separate the girls though they both are already taller than me. 

“I didn’t even do anything to you!” Kara says, wiping a tear away from her eye, willing herself not to cry. 

“Ms. Grant's office, NOW,” I yell as Sam gets ahold of Josie, pulling her back. 

“She started it.” Josie huffs. 

Kara was dumbfounded. “How?!” 

“I don’t feel safe with her in this school. They killed her family; what makes anyone think they won’t come back for her here?”

Oh, this little bitch. It was the only thought before Alex comes running fist first at Josie hitting her straight in the nose. 

“That’s my sister your talking to!” She shouts in a voice I can’t believe came from a Danvers. It takes a minute to react. Mostly because I’m glad Alex beat me to the punch, but I remember myself quickly and grab my hold on Alex now. 

Sam tends to Josie’s bloody nose, and I pull both the Danvers down the hall. 

“Kiss my ass!” Alex shouts, and she shakes her now hurt hand. I get her to turn the corner with Kara and me. 

“That was not acceptable, Ms. Danvers,” I say because I should. 

Alex wraps Kara in a hug, not even caring about me. 

“I didn’t even do anything.” Kara muffles into Alex’s shoulder. 

I let them have their moment. Try to calm me down. Kara’s family was killed. That’s what everyone had been whispering about? Her family being murdered?! How is that gossip!? Why has it been so tough for her here, like everything hasn’t been hard enough for her?

“Come on, let’s get to Mrs. Grant before Josie's nose stopped bleeding,” I say, standing on the other side of Kara. I put my hand on her back as we walk. 

—— Present-Day

She winks at me after she orders, handing the menu to the waiter. 

“It’s going to be hard to go back to packed lunches after this week.” Kara hums while she sips her water. 

“We will have to do this more then.”

She smiles at the idea. 

The good mood around us feels a little staged, we covered a lot today, and she’s acting a bit like we didn’t just spend an hour talking about unsettling things. Do I shatter that, or do I play along? 

“I love you,” I decide to say, putting my hand on hers across the table. 

“I know you do.” She says with a slight blush. “I do too.”

“Are you still coming home?”

“Yes, please.”

I nod. “I might be a little late, so order whatever you want for dinner. I’ll be home before you go to bed.”

She nods more understandingly than I was expecting. 

“I might have some paperwork to make up for too. I’ll probably be doing that most of the night.”

“This hour has to come from somewhere,” I say, taking a sip of my water.

“Exactly.”

“Dr. Ruth said you are making a name for yourself in her office.”

“It’s so sad how many families I’m monitoring while the parents are in marriage counseling.“ 

“Kids are so often stuck in the middle of all that.” 

Kara nods. “Heartbreaking.” She takes a moment. “How was Morgan Edge?” She asks.

“Handsy as ever.” I roll my eyes. 

She rolls her eyes too. “Why do you put up with him?”

“It’s challenging; kicking someone off the board requires a lot of hoops. I’m working on it.”

“He’s from Lex days, right?”

“Yes, I’m surprised they got along.”

“Narcissistic minds and whatnot.” She sips again. 

I chuckle. “How did they get work done together? The conversations must’ve been a giant pissing contest the whole time.”

“No, I have the bigger boat!” Kara mocks.

I love her. 

“But you’ll get him out and go on to the next headache.” She says

“I will. I’m just glad Lillian isn’t around. She would have been the biggest headache of all.” 

Kara grabs bread from the center and starts to pull it apart. 

I cross my legs and lean back, getting more comfortable. “Should we talk about the session?”

Kara shrugs. 

“Eventually, ” I start. “we will have to have these discussions without Dr. Ruth Kara. I’m committed to doing the work, but I don’t want to be in therapy for three years.”

“I don’t want that either. Maggie is super flexible with my schedule right now, but it won’t last long. I’m getting more time off than some of my friends have gotten their whole time at the job.”

“Maggie is a good friend.” 

“She is. She gets it. Was there for everything with Mikah.” 

It was almost like she’s didn’t mean to let herself say his name. I could practically see her instantly kicking herself I want to hold her. “Kara, honey.”

She shakes it off. “I'm fine.”

“It’s okay if your not-“

“Lena, please, I’m fine.”

I put both my hands up lightly, and the air between us seems a little harder to get through. I should take her hand, but she’ll accuse me of coddling. I should change the subject, but what’s safe anymore? I retake a sip of my water because it buys some time. She is avoiding my eyes just as much as I’m trying not to give away my worry for her and her heart. 

“Alex.” I smile, remembering we haven’t talked this one out yet. “Alex is moving here?”

She smiles too, grateful for the happier subject. “She did!” She almost shouts with excitement.

“I’m sorry, I know I’ve been distracted. Did you already tell me she was coming?” 

She shakes her head. “I didn’t.” 

I don’t question that. Just happy I didn’t forget or ignore her. “She transferred?”

“Yes, she basically has to start as a rookie again, but she wants out of Metropolis.” 

“Why?” 

“Her and Sara broke up.”

“They did? I liked her.” 

“That’s because your the only one she didn’t scare the crap out of.” 

I laugh. “She definitely had a bossy personality.” 

She nods. “It was messy, and Alex thinks a new zip code will help. She also wanted to be closer to me.”

I know why—our problems. I can only imagine what Alex has heard about me lately. 

“When does Eliza visit next?”

“Now, She’s helping Alex with the move.”

“Kar.”

Now Kara puts her hands up. “I am not expecting you to want to see her this trip.”

“Have you seen her?”

“She and Alex came to the hotel for coffee the other day.” 

“Kara,” I say heartbreakingly. I wish she didn’t feel the need to hide all this. I should have been there, or she  
Should feel more comfortable telling me. 

“I didn’t like keeping it from you.” She looks down.

“I ....” ugh “I mean, can I even be mad? She’s your mother. I just wish you didn’t hide it. ... or have to hide it.” 

She takes my hand again. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry.” I put my elbow on the armrest and lean my head in my hand. “I know why you had to do it.” 

“Do you want to come with me next time? Maybe tomorrow?”

Nope.

“Maybe, let me think about it.” 

She nods. 

Silence comes over us as we both would rather sit and people watch than fight. 

“Do they know?’ I ask. 

She’s about to ask about what, but she stops herself and nods. 

I nod. Of course, they do. 

“I haven’t been able to talk about Mikah much, but Alex knows everything. Eliza knows we’re going through a rough patch. “

I take a deep breath. 

“She told me to give you another chance.”

“No, she didn’t” I can’t believe any mother would want their daughter to put up with my shit.

“Lena, I’m telling you that’s what she said. I told her my plan if I had to leave you, and she told me to stay. See if we could make it all work.” 

“You had a plan?” 

She looks guilty for a moment and then decides to remain strong. “I did. I would have gone back to Midvale. Got my head on straight and ..” she shrugs. 

A tear or two drops, and I look out at the street. 

“That’s not the plan anymore.”

“I know it just sucks to hear. I’m sorry.”

“I know.” 

“I hate that I almost ruined everything, Kara. I don’t like who I’ve become here, and I don’t know how to juggle everything. I’ve never felt like more of a Luthor in my life, and it is killing me.” 

“I-I made mistakes too.”

I huff. “Not nearly as many.” 

“That’s not true.” She says sternly. 

I sigh and wipe my tears away. “Should I sell L-Corp?”

Her head literally shakes with shock. “What?”

“We had a comfortable life in Metropolis. I can sell the company, and we can get back to that. I’ll find something else to do. We could stay here or go somewhere new? I don’t care.”

“Lena, you can’t sell L-Corp.” 

“Oh, the big office says I can.” 

“You don’t want that.”

“I honestly don’t know if that’s true anymore.” 

She grabs my hand. “You have turned that company into something spectacular, Lena. You should be able to watch it succeed.” 

“The cost is too great.”

“I’m here.” 

“Yeah, but I’ve dropped so much to be able to sit here and make this time, Kara. What happens when we go back to normal?”

“Why can’t we make a new normal?” 

I sigh. 

“I honestly don’t understand.”

“The company is still too new, Kar. It’s only been a year.”

“It’s only been a year as L-Corp, but it’s been a company since before either of us was even born.” 

“Honey.”

“Don’t honey me when you don’t think I know what I’m talking about. It makes me feel like I’m 15 again.”

I straighten In my seat. “Kara, you know I dismantled most of what used to be Luthorcorp. That takes time. I was rebuilding a foundation that was built on hate and destruction. Figuring out who I can trust. If I want to continue doing this, it has to be me.”

“So it’s all or nothing?” 

I sigh. “It feels like it.” 

“I don’t want all this pain to be for nothing.” 

“I don’t want this pain to continue.” 

Her thumb rubs my hand. 

“I support you in whatever you decide, Lena. Just don’t do it for only me. I am not asking you to.”

“Maybe you should be.” 

She shakes her head. “Oh, no way. I’m not telling you the right answers; you are going to have to look it up in the book.” She mocks.

“You think you're so funny.” I smile as she laughs at herself. I squeeze her hand. 

— Flashback - High school  
I stand in the hall watching as the janitor begins to paint over the spray paint on Kara’s locker. 

“Fucking heartless.” Sam snuffs. 

“Were you ever bullied for being adopted?” I ask. 

“No, for getting pregnant before I got my license, however.” Sam snickers at herself. 

“Nobody knew I was adopted, so I didn’t deal with this.”

“This is definitely not normal. That Josie needs some serious help.” 

“How does Kara feel safe here again? How can she possibly?” 

“We will make sure she does.” 

“Miss. Lena?” I turn to see Eliza coming from the stairwell. 

“Ms. Danvers, thank you for coming up.” I shake her hand as she turns to look at the locker. 

“This is just so unbelievable. I have known Josie since Alex, and she were babies. I can’t believe she would do such an awful thing to Alex’s adopted sister.”

“It’s horrible,” Sam says. 

“I just wanted you to see for your own eyes that it’s being covered up immediately, and we will make sure Kara has the option to move lockers.”

“Thank you.” 

“I’ll leave you two to it, but please let me know if there is anything I can do.” Sam puts her hand out for Eliza, and she shakes it then leaves us. 

“Cat suspended Alex for two days.” Eliza sighs. 

“That doesn’t seem right.” I turn to Eliza. 

“She did break a girl’s nose, justified as it may have been.” 

“What about Josie?”

Eliza puts her hand to the bridge of her nose. “They’re talking expulsion.” She sighs. “Her family is pretty respected here, though. It might not stick.” 

“I just don’t understand what her hope was? Why pick on a girl that’s already going through so much?” 

“Her nightmares just stopped too.” Eliza sighs. 

“No, they haven’t.” 

Eliza looks at me “what?” 

“She told me this morning. They haven’t stopped, and they’re getting worse.” 

“Shit.” Eliza looks back at the locker. 

“Is she going to therapy?”

“Yes, of course. Here and independently. She just doesn’t get to move on from it when she’s constantly poking at the wounds.”

“I haven’t read her file.”

Eliza looks at me again. “You haven’t?”

“It’s not my place.”

“You’ve been helping her.” 

“I care about her.” 

Eliza smiles. “I can see that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you guys spoiled me with comments last week! Thank you!


	6. Wash The Day Off

— Present-Day

I beat Kara home from work. This never happens. Typically she’d be done with dinner by now or even relaxing on the couch watching that stupid show with the roses with a glass of wine. She said she’d be doing paperwork all night, right? Why would she want to do that in her shoebox office? 

I kick off my heels and put my bag on the couch like I always did. 

I pull my phone out of my pants and call her. Straight to voicemail. 

I guess I should order dinner, right? She would if she beat me home... What should I even get?

I look through my phone.

I don’t even know her National City food orders. God, I’m the worst. 

I’ll make food. Easy. 

I do a lap around our kitchen and pull out everything I need to make a simple spaghetti. I used to cook all the time. This will make her happy, right? It might? 

It doesn’t take long. I set my laptop up to read some files aloud while I chop up some veggies and let the ground beef simmer. Thank god she’s done the shopping recently... or does Edna do the shopping now? Where did we end up with that fight? God, it’s like I’ve been living a whole different life lately. Like I've recently woken from a coma. 

I finish dinner but keep it on the stove so I can just heat it whenever she’s home. Breakfast this morning and dinner, who am I? 

I pour us both wine and bring my glass in front of my laptop to take the opportunity to work for a while. 

It’s only when I finish my second glass and go for the next that I realized just how late it’s getting. I call her again. No answer. It’s almost midnight.

Shit. 

She should be home, right? She said she’d be home to order dinner and do paperwork. 

I call again. No answer. 

Did she go to the hotel? She wasn’t mad when we left lunch, right? We actually had a good talk, I thought. It was hard, but it was good. I’m waking up; she sees that, right?

Her friends, her boss, her sister? Who do I call? 

I call Sam. 

Sam: Lena, are you okay?  
Lena: Shit, the time difference. I’m sorry.   
S: What’s wrong?   
L: I think I’m being dumb. Kara isn’t home from work yet.  
S: What time is it again?  
L: Almost midnight.   
S: Does she normally work late?   
L: Sometimes, I think. I usually work late, so it’s tough to say.   
S: I’m guessing you called her.   
L: Of course. Sam, we don’t know many people here. She hasn’t made any friends. I don’t know who I should call or if I should call other people yet.   
S: Okay, okay, relax. What’s the harm in calling?   
L: I’m probably overreacting, right?   
S: If this were Jess, I would call.   
L: shit. 

Thankfully I hear the lock in the door just then. 

L: Wait, Sam, she’s home. Thanks for letting me panic.   
S: *chuckles* anytime. 

I hang up and meet Kara at the door and pull her into a hug the second she comes through. 

“What?” She half-heartedly hugs me, confused. 

“You’re late.” 

“I got called on a case.” She says and pulls out of my hold, leaving her bag on the floor with her shoes and shuffling into the apartment drained. 

“Are you okay?” I lock the door, place her bag on the coat rack, and kick her shoes out of the way. 

“I have to shower.” 

“Kara?” 

“Lena, please. I have to shower, and then I can talk.” 

I nod, and she goes straight to the bathroom. 

She’s safe. She’s home, and she’s safe. 

I go to the kitchen and heat dinner. She doesn’t take too long. Almost perfect timing for me to finish everything. She comes out of the bathroom wearing her comfiest sweats. 

“You cooked?” She asks, surprised. 

“I realized you have been doing all the take out ordering, and I really don’t know your favorites here.”

“Well, your pasta is one of my all-time favorites, so you did well.”

I smile and watch as she drinks the wine like it’s water. “Hard day?”

“Everyone reminds me of Mikah.” She says with a forwardness that doesn't often come when talking about Mikah. 

“Kara,” 

She shakes her head. “One is the families I’ve been trying to prove was neglecting their child...left their son home without anything to eat for three days. Three days.”

She looks like every word hurts her.

“All their neighbors thought they were great. There wasn’t enough of a red flag at his school. His grandmother was the only one that thought we should be called, and it wasn’t enough.”

“You did all you could.”

She shakes her head. “It shouldn’t have had to be that bad to get him out.”

“You’re right.” 

“Three days, he was seven. It took him three days to defy his parents' rule about using the phone. Three days.” 

“Where’d he go?” 

“I met him at the hospital. He’ll be there for a few days. His grandma flew in from Florida, and she’s going to fight for him.”

“Hopefully, this is his start.”

“I guess.” She moves the food around her plate. She doesn’t want to cry, but I think it’s coming. 

“Mikah is okay.”

“We don’t know that.”

“Kara, trust me.” 

She looks up, crying now. 

“Honey, we would have heard if his situation has changed,” I say, trying not to cry too.

“I see situations change in an instant every day.”

“His mother-“

She looks at me like I better stop talking. She’s fuming. “Don’t you dare.” 

“I just don’t know what you want me to say.”

She pours more wine in her glass and gets up from the table. 

“There isn’t anything to say.” 

“You're mad at me?” I ask, wondering how we got here so fast. 

“No, I’m just sad... and fucking mad at the situation.”

“I understand that.”

“Mikah and this boy tonight. I just want to help, but there are more children than there are us, and I can do my job. I can show up and do everything right, and they still have to suffer.” 

“You are doing the best you can.” 

“It wasn’t enough this time.” 

“Hopefully, next time it will be. He’s out of the home now. His grandma seems to care. This is still a win.”

She sighs. “She did seem like she actually had some common sense.” 

“That’s good.“

She sips her wine. 

“And Mikah,”

Kara shakes her head. “Please, let’s drop it. I’m sorry I’m late. Thank you for cooking.”

“Honey.” 

“I’m so tired, Lena. Please?”

I nod. “Okay.”

“I know this is my home, and I’m aware that this is the most privileged question but... who shops for us?”

“You pay someone to shop for us, and you don’t even remember?”

“So Edna, right?”

“Yes, darling, Edna sorts the groceries.” 

“Okay. Good to know.” 

“She’s going to have a heart attack seeing that we actually used the kitchen.”

“When she learns it was me too.”

“You’re right. She’s not going to believe it.” Kara almost laughs. 

—-

She clung onto me all night, and any other night I would have hated it, but with this week, I loved it. I slept so heavy I am sure a marching band in our apartment wouldn’t have woke me. Her not so much. She was up when I woke and still sad from the looks of it. 

We didn't talk other than the narrow hems and ha’s it takes to get ready in the same space. She left for work before me and was already at Dr. Ruth’s when I arrived. 

“I heard about your bust last night, Kara.” Dr. Ruth saw after it was clear neither of us would start. 

Oh no. 

“You did?” Kara questions a little off guard.

“I did. Would you like to talk about it?”

“Not particularly, but we,” she lifts our hands a little. “agreed, we would try to talk about the hard stuff.” 

This was mostly a agreement for me, but she has been dealing with more these few days than I have had to.

“It ran late, right? Lena, were you home?” 

“I was. I beat her home, made dinner, and then did some work. Next thing I knew, it was almost midnight.” I chuckle. “I had to call Sam and have her talk it all out with me. I didn’t know if I should call Maggie or,” I shrug. “I was really anxious.”

“I didn’t know that.” Kara turns to look at me. 

“You didn’t call.”

Kara doesn’t say anything for a minute and scratches her eyebrow. “I’ve been working here for almost a year, and I get called out at weird hours all the time.”

“I have heard you leaving at weird hours before. You’ve always been home when I got home.” 

“Lena, the only difference here is that you were home first.” 

“You could’ve called.”

“You’re right, I should have, but you need to understand I’ve never had to before.” 

My heart sinks, and I rub her hand in our hold. “I-I” I clear my throat. “I’m just happy you made it home safe.” 

“That was great communication.” Dr. Ruth says, marking down something. 

Kara slightly smiles, and I wonder how much she would hate me if I brought up Mikah. We won’t be able to heal from this if she doesn’t want to talk about him. We have to. 

“Kara, you said the job comes home with you emotionally. Did that happen last night?”

Kara nods. 

“Have you noticed it before, Lena?” 

“Her having a hard time at work? Of course. I think what was also different about yesterday is she usually had some time to herself when she got home. Time to disconnect.”

Kara nods. “I felt that too. It makes more sense now that I know you were worried about me. We both needed something from each other last night, and we should have voiced that, I guess.” 

“So let’s work on that.” Dr. Ruth says. “You come home after a hard day. What can Lena do?” 

“Give me time to turn off.” Kara says, “I’ll want a shower, especially if I was out on a call. I need to wash the day off me physically.” 

“Lena, what will you need from her if you’ve been waiting for her?” 

“Just ... I don’t know. Let me know your okay?” 

“I won’t feel okay right when I walk in.”

“What should I do then, just ignore you?”

“No, yesterday was fine. I was happy when I came out to dinner.” 

“So maybe you can agree to give her space for, say, 15 minutes. Maybe make a cup of tea or something for both of you, and after Kara’s had time to turn off, she will be able to tell you she’s okay?”

“If that’s helpful.” I shrug. 

“We’ll find our rhythm,” Kara says, looking forward. 

I wonder how Dr. Ruth knew about Kara’s call. I’m almost positive I’ll never know the answer to that, but maybe she’s on the case too. Perhaps she has worked with the parents. Or maybe it’s merely office gossip. 

“Can I ask what’s hanging over you, Kara?”

Oh, that’s actually really nice to know that it’s not just me that sees it. 

“It was a hard call.”

“You have a lot of difficult calls. Do all of them hit you like this?”

“It hasn’t exactly been an easy week. I’m tired.”

“Understandable; I was just wondering if that was it?”

Oh, please don’t make me say it. 

“He reminded me of our foster son.”

Alright, buckle in, Doctor. 

“Foster Son?” 

“Mikah, he’s two,” I say.

“Three now.” Kara corrects. 

I know this isn’t going to be good for me at some point. I wasn’t home. I showed up to the things I needed to show up for, like home visits and meetings with Kara’s boss. Everything that ensured Mikah would be safe, but I didn’t get the chance to bond with him as much as Kara had. My heart hurts thinking about that because I know I missed out. She’s never said it, but she’s got to be sad that she’s going through the pain of losing him mostly alone. 

“Mikah,” Dr. Ruth smiles and writes. “Strong name. How did you meet Mikah?”

“I was called out to his daycare. They notice bruises. He would arrive in dirty diapers, hungry, dehydrated, all the works. Sometimes it takes a while for kids to trust you. I mean, of course it does, the people in their lives that are supposed to love and protect them, they don’t. Mikah clung to me right away and wouldn’t let go. His mom was arrested for possession and the daycare didn’t know. The guy bringing him into the daycare was picked up that very day for aggressive assault.” Kara shakes her head. “He was alone.”

“Just like you were.” Dr. Ruth adds.

Kara takes a painful breath. “I brought him back to my office. He wouldn’t go to anybody else. I got him to eat and drink slowly, but if I moved too fast, he’d spook. He napped in my lap while we sat in my desk chair.” 

“Oh wow.” 

“Yeah, I worked all day to find someone in his family to take him, but I was running into dead end after dead end, and the day was nearly over. It was time to see which boys home could take him for the night, and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t give him to a foster family I didn’t know. I couldn’t.”

“It’s incredibly common for social workers to adopt.” Dr. Ruth smiles encouragingly. 

“We never talked about it. I was only 24, and we were only a month into a new city. The job was new. I was meeting a whole different Lena. It was the definition of a bad time.”

Dr. Ruth almost snickers at that. There is no right time, we’d never be ready, but we could have talked about it. “What was your reaction, Lena?”

“We didn’t know how long he’d be staying at first, but then I came home and saw the way he wrapped his arms around Kara.” I nod. “Just like that, I knew she wasn’t going to be able to give him to just anybody.” 

“Lena started the paperwork that night.” Kara smiles. 

—- Flashback - Mikah 

“Eve, would you kindly get me two Advils?” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose as she walks into my office. 

“Ms. Danvers-Luthor, I’m sorry. I know you said to hold calls, but your wife has been trying to get ahold of you.”

“Shit.” How did I miss that? I flip over my phone on my desk and see six missed calls from Kara along with texts asking where I am. I call her back immediately. 

Kara: Lena?  
Lena: Are you okay?   
K: Lena, I know we should talk about this, but I just... I have to. Please don’t be upset.   
L: What’s wrong?  
K: I got called out, and Lena this boy.   
L: Are you okay?  
K: I can’t let him go into the system. 

Oh fuck.

K: I know, I know this is crazy. I just need a little more time. I will try to find a family. I’m waiting on a few people to call me back, and maybe tomorrow I can, but I can’t leave him right now.  
L: Kara, we aren’t registered.   
K: He just needs a safe place to sleep tonight.   
L: How old is he?   
K: Two years old, his name is Mikah, and Lena, he is just the sweetest little soul. 

I take a deep breath. 

L: Maggie is signing off on this?  
K: Yes.  
L: Okay, I’ll be home in 30 minutes. 

Kara lets out a sigh of relief. 

L: I can’t promise anything, Kara. We have to talk about this—a lot.   
K: Yes, of course.   
L: Okay, I’ll see you both at home. 

I hang up and turn to look out the window. Oh, fucking fuck. 

What the hell just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It’s been so fun working on this between avoiding my other responsibilities.


	7. An Excuse For Flawed Behavior

—- Present-Day, Continued

What the hell just happened? 

I quickly pack up and send Eve home. This might be the earliest I’ll be going home this whole month. I need to meet this kid. I need to see what Kara is seeing because right now, I’m not getting it. People warned me this might happen, but I didn’t think it would be this fast. 

I arrive home first, and I change out of my work attire. What do you wear to meet the kid that just had his life flipped upside down? I eventually decided just to get comfortable. 

When Kara finally comes in, Harold is helping her carry some bags while she holds Mikah. I stand from the seat at the counter, and I swear it hits me like a train. This isn’t for a night. 

“Hi there.” I smile through the terror. 

“Hi.” Kara overwhelmingly laughs. “Mikah, this is who I was telling you about. This is my wife, Lena.”

The little boy had a tight grip on Kara’s shirt, and his head was on her chest, but he managed to smile. 

I have to say he’s very cute. Thin but cute. His long blonde hair was so much like Kara’s you would almost guess they were related. 

“Hi Mikah, you’re a very handsome little guy.”

“If that’s all Ms. Danver-Luthor,” Harold says at the doorway. 

“Oh yes, thank you so much, Harold,” Kara says, running her free hand through Mikah’s hair and getting it out of his eyes.

“My pleasure, have a good night.” 

“Maggie gave us like three bags of supplies. I told her it was for tonight, but she kept giving me more stuff.”

“Better to have it and not need it, I suppose.” I look around. “Have you two eaten?” 

“So far, he’s only agreed to eat chicken nuggets.” Kara laughs, and Mikah grins wider. 

Oh, fuck my heart. 

“I ordered some from Leo’s; it should be here soon.” 

“His hair is so long.” I smile at him. 

“Yeah, I wonder if it’s been cut ever.” Kara plays with his hair again. “Hey,” she looks back up at me. “Thank you for letting me bring him home.”

I get closer slowly and kiss her forehead. “Your voice, it was so panicked.”

“I ... He’s been holding me like this for hours, Lena. Like his little hand must be so tired. I couldn’t just give him off.”

“I get it.”

“I am not trying to rush anything on us.” 

“I know. He feels safe with you. You hardly had an option.” I look around, trying to find something else to say. “I’ll unpack what Maggie sent home. Why don’t you two sit?”

“Sit.” He repeats. 

Kara and my eyes both widen and look down at Mikah. 

“He hasn’t talked,” Kara says, bouncing him. 

“Good job, buddy.” I place my hand on his back, only remembering maybe that wasn’t a good idea after I did it. He didn’t seem bothered. 

This is the first time I’ve really thought about Kara being a mom. She’s just getting started in her career, and I’m so seldom home. Parenting was never even a thought, but this little boy looks at her like she hung the moon. Holds on to her like she will protect him. Is this something we should do? 

I unpack one of the bags to find a stuffed giraffe. I hand it to him, and he finally lets go of Kara’s shirt to grab it. She has her feet up on the couch with him sitting on her. 

He jumps when the food arrives with a knock, but he calmed down quickly. What’s his story? When will we be able to talk about this? I’m sure she won’t want to in front of him. 

I wash the small dish and utensils Maggie gave us, and Kara takes the food out with one free hand. She tried to set him on the counter, but his legs tighten around her. She kisses his head and figures out a way to cut the chicken nuggets and hold him. 

“You think he’ll want Ketchup?” I ask. 

“I’d bet yes.” Kara shrug. 

I put a little on the plate while she adds some of the chicken. I take Kara’s plate to the table, and she brings Mikah’s. She hands him a fork just to see if he would use it, and surprisingly he does. He even dips his chicken in the ketchup before taking a bite. It’s probably weird to be praised for something you are used to doing, but he smiles proudly either way. 

“I think after this, I’ll give him a bath.”

“I have to make a few work calls.”

“Can you maybe just leave it for tomorrow. I’m a little over my head here.”

I sigh. 

“Please, Lena.”

I nod. “Sure.”

“Thank you.” 

She looks down at Mikah, and he opens his mouth way bigger than necessary for the small fork. It’s pretty adorable. Kara smiles at him like he’s doing it just to entertain her. 

“What other words can you say, Mikah?” Kara asks.

“Mikah.” He points to himself. 

“That’s right.”

“Nuggie,” he holds up his fork showing it off. 

Kara and I both laugh. She keeps running her hand through his hair. It’s unkempt, and in his eyes, so it’s necessary, but each time she does it, my heart winces a little. The action is so motherly. So loving. Sweet. How has she figured out how to do that so fast? How does she love him already?

“Are you okay?” She asks me.

“What would we have to do to foster him?” I ask. 

“We don’t know if he’ll even need a foster home yet. A family member could claim him.”

“And if they don’t?”

“Yes, foster home or group home.”

“So we’d need to be registered as a foster?”

“We never talked about kids.”

“This is me talking about it, darling.”

She takes a deep breath. “Do you want children?”

“I don’t know how good I’d be at it, especially now.” 

“You would be a fantastic mom,” Kara says with her whole heart.

“I barely had a Mom.” 

“So you learned how not to. That’s half of the battle right there.”

I smile. “we did slightly talk about it. When we were getting married, you said you’d like to adopt someday.”

“Yeah, someday is an effortless commitment to make. Today is a little different.”

We have a very good life to offer. He would want for nothing. Only the best will be at his fingertips. “You love him already.”

Kara takes a sharp breath like she didn’t know this or maybe didn’t know I’d notice. “I love all the kids I help.”

“Kara, it’s more than that.”

“I can picture it.” She runs her hand through his hair again. “I can picture us all together. I’m trying not to get too ahead of myself, but I can see it. Our little family.”

“You can picture it?”

“So clearly.”

“And if I don’t live up to that picture?” 

“Lena, I don’t know what I’m doing either. If you want to try, we can figure it out.”

“Lena?” Mikah asks Kara. 

“Yeah, that’s Lena,” Kara says, bouncing her knee a little. He leans onto Kara, seemingly done with his dinner. 

“If he needs a home, he has one here.” 

Kara smiles and kisses Mikah’s head again.

— Present-Day

“I didn’t expect to go to work that day and come home with a son. I didn’t even fully know I wanted kids before that call, but he was ours from the moment I met him.” 

Only he was never ours; that’s always been the problem. He has a mother, and even if we don’t agree with it, she has rights too. 

“You became foster parents.”

“It took a while, but Maggie was able to let him stay with us. It helped that Kara had already met most of the criteria just working there.”

“Also, that Midvale High never officially reported Lena.” 

“Oh yes, that too.” 

Dr. Ruth writes. “How was life as a family of three?”

“Kara was a superhero. She did so much in a day, and I could barely figure out how to get myself to work and back home during waking hours.”

“Lena did a lot of the paper stuff. She covered all the applications. She never missed an appointment, but I ... I essentially was a single parent.”

“She’s not wrong.” I nod.

“It was the first month at a new company. First few months. She was so busy. She was burning the candle at both ends. It was such bad timing, so I made it work. Mikah came to work’s daycare with me every day. He had a permanent playpen in my office so he could hang out with me if I wasn’t out on a call or tracking down families. Redecorated our guest room into his bedroom. Joined a mommy and me yoga class.” She chuckles. “Even called Eliza for the first time in years when he got a fever, and I didn’t know what to do. I was all in.”

“He called her Mama within the first week. It was adorable.” I smile.

I would give anything to trade her pain-filled smile for a full-blown joyful one. I wish I could change it, but I can’t. I tried my hardest. 

“We just had to make it 15 months. 15 months, and we’d be able to adopt him. We made it to 8 months before his mom came around. She was out of jail, working a program, and wanted to work to get her son back.” I finish for Kara. 

Deep down, I know she knows it’s good that a mother is fighting for her son. Deep down, she knows a person can make a mistake and get a second chance; only this second chance ripped a hole into her. 

“So Mikah is with his mother now?”

Kara biets her lip to stop saying something about how he’s not with his mother now, just his birth giver. 

“Biological mother, yes,” I say. 

Dr. Ruth watches Kara look at the far wall. She takes notes then she looks at me. 

“Was it hard not being around?”

“It was. I was always home on Sundays, but by then, I missed a whole week. He was growing so fast. I felt like each hour I missed something. I had so much guilt on my chest. I was a horrible foster mother. It wasn’t enough that I cared about him.”

Kara crosses her arms, letting go of my hand. 

“Kara, would you like to explain what you are feeling right now?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“Mad.” 

“Explain, please.”

Kara shakes her head. “I just wish he was still ours. I knew I shouldn’t have let myself fall for him so fast. I pictured our life with him so completely. Us adopting him, him starting school, Lena getting to spend more time with him and us. I was excited about holidays and vacations and getting to see what kind of man he’d grow into. I’m mad I don’t get to see that in person.”

“You’re mad at me too.” I say because it’s better to be said here than at home.”

She nods without hesitation. “Absolutely.”

“Why do you say that? What is Kara mad at you for Lena?”

I hold my own hand just for a little strength. “I wasn’t there.”

“Maybe that’s a bit easy. What else?”

“She has to grieve him alone. I cared for him, and I wanted to help him, but Kara loved him.”

“You didn’t love him?” 

I take a deep breath. Kara is looking at me, shocked. “I am sure I did but not in the same way.”

“I know you loved him,” Kara says dryly. 

“How do you know that?” Dr. Ruth asks.

“I could see it. She’d check on him before she came to bed, even if I was just in there. Her face would light up if he asked her to pick him up. She researched all the best schools in the area.” She looks at me. “It might be easier for your heart to tell yourself that I cared more about him. That I’m having a harder time because I loved him more, and you’ve got this cold Luthor heart, but it’s bullshit, and I’m sick of it.”

“I-i I don’t even know what to say to that.” I stutter, shocked. We’ve fought about me not being there enough. We’ve fought about me not trying hard enough to keep him even when there was nothing else I could do. If her boss was telling us we didn’t have a case. We didn’t have a case. We’ve gone in circles about all this, but she’s never said anything about my Luthor heart before.

“Alright, maybe we should take another step back.” Dr. Ruth tries. 

”You just called me a Luthor? Really?” I ask.

”No, I said you like to let your last name be an excuse for flawed behavior.”

”Flawed behavior!”

”Yes! It’s your escape hatch for everything.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“No, it’s not. You fell for a student because your brother attacked a city. Our marriage Is failing because we had to move here to save your family business. You can’t show any actual emotion about the little boy that would ask me where you were every night because that’s the kind of parents you had. Every. Road. Leads here, and I don’t want to keep making excuses for your excuses.”

What the fuck! 

“Your upset about Mikah, and you're trying to take it out on me,” I say as calmly as I can manage.

She shakes her head. “I’m just not holding my tongue for once.”

“I’d kindly ask you two to stop talking.” The doctor interjects. 

Kara rolls her eyes and side-eyes me. I look at the clock; how much longer will I be stuck in this hell?

“Lena, what are you feeling?”

“Like this is a giant waste of time.”

Kara huffs. 

Dr. Ruth holds a finger up. “Those are Lena’s feelings. This is not a space for belittling feelings.”

Kara slumps in her seat like a child. 

“What are you feeling, Kara?” 

“Tired.” 

“Profound.” I snark back. 

Dr. Ruth clears her throat. “Enough of that. What do you need from each other?”

I watch the clock. I’m over this. I just want to go to work. 

Kara grabs a tissue off the side table. 

“Hello? You two said you would work on this marriage. This is part of that. If you just explode on each other. Yell at each other for how one of you feels? How is that working on this?”

“Aren’t you suppose to be giving us tools?” What is your part in this?” I ask, annoyed. 

“I am giving you tools.”

“What do we need from each other?” Kara asks.

“This is a waste of time.”

“If you don’t stop calling our marriage a waste of time, I swear to god!” Kara snaps. 

“This meeting, not our marriage.” 

“One and the same, Lena.” 

This time I huff. 

“Why is it a waste of time?” Dr. Ruth asks calmly. 

“Well, things aren’t getting better. In fact, we were better before we walked in here.” I roll my eyes, it’s childish and immature, but I’m annoyed and tired. 

“Kara, how long have you been holding onto that?”

“Which part?” Kara wipes her eyes again. 

“Her last name.” 

“Forever.”

Dr. Ruth looks at me. “Then it’s not a waste of time.” 

“So now we go home and not talk to each other. What is that going to solve?”

“I urge you to talk. You both don’t seem to know what you need from each other, so maybe you can think about it and talk about it tonight.”

“Without you?”

“I don’t see to keep you two from fighting.” 

I almost laugh. 

“Talk about Mikah.” Dr. Ruth adds. “He was your life, and you lost him. It’s important to give yourself chances to grieve that together.”

“She never wants to talk about him,” I add. 

“It hurts,” Kara says softly. 

Dr. Ruth nods. “Of course, it does. Why aren’t you letting your wife in on that feeling?”

— Flashback - High School

Kara decided to come back to school after only being out one day. Eliza has emailed me to tell me so I could keep an eye out for her. Alex still has another day left of her punishment, and Kara would be alone. Which she was used to, I’m sure, but it didn’t settle right with anyone. 

I stand by the entrance of the school, watching all the students slowly arrive in groups. Some waved but most ignored the teachers who were assigned to morning bus duty. Kara was one of the only students to arrive alone, wearing another oversized hoodie and a beanie covering most of her head. I smile at her when she walks in. She comes right to me, tugging on the strings on her backpack that make the arms looser or tighter. 

“Can I have a new locker?” She asks nervously.

I nod. “Of course.”

She smiles. “Maybe one by the cafeteria.” 

I laugh. “We already picked one out for you by your sister,” I say, taking her beanie off her head and handing it to her. She follows me. 

“I got my homework done.” She speeds up to walk next to me. “Even the stuff I got wrong the other day.”

“You didn’t take the day off to relax?” I asked, worried about her dreams but not knowing how to ask. 

“Jeremiah was pretty mad at Alex for getting in a fight. They fought most of yesterday about it.”

“Wasn’t aware there was much to fight about,” I say, looking forward.

“Apparently, Josie's father is important for Jeremiah’s work.” 

The students do well at trying not to look at Kara, trying not to pity her. At least it seems that way to me. Maybe she’ll remember it differently. 

“If her father is so important, you think he’d have the sense to teach his daughter wrong from right,” I say, stopping in front of Kara’s new locker and hand the postcard with the code on it. 

“I ... Everyone seems to be fighting because of me, Eliza and the school, Alex and Josie, & Alex and her dad.”

“Kara, fighting because of and fighting for. They’re very different.”

“I guess.” She turns to open her new locker. “I just wish it wasn't so loud.”

“Would you like me to take you to your first class?” 

Kara looks around. Everyone seems too busy with their own lives. “No. I can handle it.”

“If anybody tries something-“

“I know, thank you.” 

She tries her new combo, and eventually, the locker opens. 

“Do you need me to get the stuff from your old locker?”

Kara shakes her head. “I can do it.” 

“Kara.” 

She smiles. “Miss. Lena, I’m fine. It is not like I had many friends before all this.” 

She wasn’t sad about it. She wasn’t pitying herself. Just declaring it for the fact it was. I nod and back away. “Fine, fine.” 

“See you in class, Miss. Lena.” 

I walk to the teacher's lounge slowly. I might be in trouble here. I care way more than I wish to. I wasn’t supposed to care too deeply about this job. It was meant to be a meticulous life here. That’s what I wanted, but if I care too much about my students. If I get too invested, than this isn’t what I was running to but more of what I was running from. Robotic, that’s what I was working for. I still want to protect her. My heart aches for her. That’s not robotic. 

—- Present-Day

The elevator ride down feels very hefty. She’s leaning on the wall with her hand to her forehead like the lights hurt her eyes. 

“I want to go to work.” She mumbles. 

I turn to her. We aren’t alone in this elevator. “No lunch?”

“Not today?” She says like a question. 

“Fine.” Exactly what I wanted too but somehow, it still burns to hear. “Will you be home tonight?”

She takes a deep breath. “I told you I wouldn’t go back to the hotel.” 

“Just checking.” 

“Do you want me home?” Kara asks as the doors open. 

Yes, but that means I have to come home too. “If you can stand to be around a Luthor.”

Her hand falls to her lap, shock. “Are you kidding?” She asks. 

I shrug and leave the elevator. 

She walks out and matches my speed through the lobby. “Are you forgetting my last name?” She asks. 

“Oh, don’t you dare act like I didn’t try to convince you that was a bad idea. You should have gone back to El or just kept Danvers.” 

“But I love you, so I wanted your last name.” Kara grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving the building. It was smart. The lobby is more controlled. Less eavesdropping. This is not a conversation I want in the press. 

“Didn’t seem to love it upstairs.” 

“Are you not hearing me?” She asks, dumbfounded. “Am I just talking lips to you?” 

“You called me a Luthor. You knew that would get under my skin. You knew it.”

“I didn’t call you a Luthor.” She whispers sternly. 

“Might as well just call me Lillian. Just twist the knife.”

“Lena.” 

“Whatever, go to work.” 

“Lena, you aren’t listening to me.”

“Well, it’s hereditary.” I snap back and storm out like the child I feel I deserve to be in the moment. Never, never had she ever used my last name against me—the first and only person in my life to refrain from it. I can’t just let it go. I won’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a sucker for a good supercorp kidfic so if you want to recommend any feel free to message me on tumblr.


	8. Hear Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late this week! Didn't feel right posting this chapter on Valentine's Day! It's an extra-long chapter for your wait.

—- Flashback - Mikah

Kara knocks on my office door before entering with a freshly bathed Mikah wrapped in a towel, cuddling his new giraffe. We didn’t have small towels, so he’s covered in one of the large ones we have, and he’s swimming in it. He looks even smaller.

“Did the stuffy survive bath time?” I ask, looking up from my laptop. 

“We agreed that giraffes are for cuddling, not swimming. Right Nugget?” Kara asks Mikah. 

The little guy sleepily smiles. 

“Nugget?” I amused. 

Kara chuckles. “Seems fitting.” 

“I love it,” I say and turn my laptop to face her. “I sent this off to our lawyers. They’ll look it over, and if they agree, I think we can start the process tomorrow.”

“The process?” She asks like she’s holding her breath. 

“To become fosters.” 

“You sure you’re okay with this? I know it’s unexpected.”

“Honey, we already talked about this when you came home. I’m sure.”

She seemed hesitant for some reason. Am I moving too hastily for her? I don’t want this getting lost in the everyday stress of my life here in National City. If this ball is going to start rolling, it has to be now. 

“Unless that’s not what you want.” I slowly say.

“No!” She says immediately as she instinctively holds Mikah closer to her heart. “No, I want to. I want to more than anything.” She looks at Mikah. “It's just crazy, this could be the most important moment in our lives, and I feel a little like it’s not tangible?”

“A lot could happen, Kara. Tomorrow you could get a call from someone who wants him.” 

“Yeah, that’s gotta be why it feels this way.” She is soothingly swaying as she talks. “But at the same time, I can't help thinking this could be the moment we become parents forever.” 

Is she trying to spook me?

“Here I am, trying not to overwhelm you,” She chuckles. “And failing to do it for even myself.” 

I laugh because this was the most Kara panic there is. “You are getting a bit ahead of yourself, dear.”

“Says the lady registering us.”

I smirk guilty. “Your right.” 

She holds her hand out. “Will you come to bed with us?” 

“He’s sleeping with us?” I ask, standing up and closing my laptop. 

“We have a pack and play, I think, but it’s not set up. Do you want me and him to go to the guest room?”

“No, no. I just didn’t think about it. Of course, he’s with us tonight.” I say, adjusting to all this as I say it. Last night I barely slept. I got in at about 1 am to a deeply sleeping Kara, and I was showered and out before she was even up. Tonight we are going to bed not only together but with a little guy that had such a similar life to both Kara and I. What a difference 24 hours can make. 

I don’t follow her into our room just yet. I go back to our front door and make sure everything is locked up and put away. It worries me sometimes. She can be so forgetful, mostly because I’ve always been around to lock up. Before National City, it was just what I did, and sometimes now I catch the door being unlocked when I come home late or the patio door left open because she likes the air. I remind her when I can or just do a lap when I’m home. 

I walk into our room, and Mikah is fussing as Kara tried to put him down on the bed. “Hey,” she soothes. “I’ll just be right back. I have to get my pajamas on too.” 

I sit on the bed and hold my arms out for him. “Mikah, will you show me your stuffy?”

Mikah holds tighter to Kara. 

“It’s okay. Everything is okay.” Kara hums. 

“What should we do?” I ask. 

Kara laughs. “Got me.” 

That’s right; she’s just as new to this as me, if not more.

Mikah holds his giraffe out to me. I test to see if I can grab it. He lets me take it. I hug the stuffed animal. 

“Will you give Lena a hug like that?” Kara asks. 

He looks at Kara then back at me. 

He puts his arms out for me. Perfect. I take him from Kara, and he hugs me. I hug back and hope that he can’t sense my nerves. Sitting on the bed, he shows me his stuffy by putting it right to my face. 

Kara backs into the bathroom slowly. 

It doesn’t take him long to notice she’s gone. “Why?” He looks back at me, scared. 

“She’ll be right back. It’s okay, bud.” 

“No.” He pouts. 

I can’t fault him. I’d rather be with her than me too. “What should we call this guy?” I shake the stuffy making him look over to it. 

“It needs a name, don’t you think?” I ask. 

He looks back at me, not being able to decide if he wants to be furious at me or not. He holds the giraffe to his chest. 

“Bob?” I test.

He shakes his head. 

“I don’t hear your ideas.” 

His face so back to grumpy. 

“Alright, how about Grump then? Like you.” 

Kara laughs from the bathroom. “Are you two playing nice?” 

“Yes.” 

“Bunny?” Mikah asks. 

“Bunny?” I chuckle. “It’s not a bunny, though.”

Mikah takes the giraffe and bounces it on my shoulders. 

Kara comes out of the bathroom, rubbing her moisturizer into her face. “Bunny the giraffe it is.” she declares. 

“That’s ridiculous. We could find something that makes more sense.”

Kara takes Mikah from my lap, yawning. “Who’s it going to hurt?”

“Nobody, I suppose.” 

Kara grabs some pillows from her chair and puts them on the floor on her side of the bed. She gets into bed, placing Mikah in the middle.

“I’ll be back.” 

She smiles, then pulls the blanket up by Mikah.

I’m not sure why I’m nervous about going to bed, but I am. So much so that I go through my long night routine, not skipping anything like I usually do. 

I can hear Kara humming a soothing tune as I brush my teeth, and by the time I come back to bed, he’s out like a light. I get into bed slowly, scared to wake him. 

“Are you thinking about your mom?” Kara asks bluntly. 

I don’t mean to, but I inhale painfully. 

“Sorry, I’m tired. I mean, are you okay?” She reaches over places her hand on my arm.

I fix my pillows and take her hand. “I .. well yeah, but more about me when I was his age. My adoption story. Even if it was mostly a lie, I still went to a strange home at three.”

“Yes, you did.”

“It won’t be the same for him here. He has you.” 

Kara blushes, looking down at him. “Not just me.”

“I couldn’t even keep him entertained for ten minutes.”

“He’s had a hard day, Lena. He’s bonded with me right now. That doesn’t mean it’s just me forever.” 

“I know this. I do. I’m just so terrified I’m going to be complete shit at this.” 

Kara brings my hand to her mouth and kisses it. “What can I do to convince you that you won’t be?”

It would probably take some rewiring of my brain. “Just keep seeing the good in me even when I can’t. That’s enough.” 

“Easy.”

God, I love her. 

“What about you, are you thinking about your parents?”

She nods slightly. “I do a lot in this job.” 

“What’s his story?” I ask, looking back at Mikah, making sure he’s really asleep. 

“He wasn’t picked up from daycare. Whoever was dropping him off was arrested this morning for aggravated assault.” She takes a deep breath. “He’s been going into the daycare hungry, dirty, and exhausted all week. They should have called us on Monday if that was the case, but for whatever reason, it took the guy not showing up for pick up to report what was happening. Maggie says it’s not this place's first incident. They will be shut down if she has anything to say about it.”

“And this guy isn’t related to Mikah?”

Kara shakes her head. “Not that I could find. His birth records listed another man as his father. He passed away right after Mikah was born. His mother was arrested weeks ago with drugs in her system.” Kara shakes her head. “She probably thought she could trust this guy. I don’t know. Maggie will get in touch with her.”

“God.”

“I know. It’s a lot. He has bruises. I had to send Maggie pictures when I gave him his bath. It took everything for me not to ball, but he just laughed and played with the shampoo bottle.”

Her hand lays on his little shoulder. 

“I’m glad you brought him here. He has been tossed around far too much already.”

She nods with tears in her eyes. 

I put my hand to her cheek and wipe her tears away. “Honey, it’s okay. He’ll be okay. We can do this.” I say for both of us. 

“We can do this.” She repeats.

—- Present-Day

My day sucked. Just downright blew. By five, it seemed like a torture treatment just making Eve have to deal with my sour mood. The other party has rescheduled meetings we were counting on. Lawyers we’re trying to get contract after contract authorized before they were ready. Deadlines don’t seem to matter to the lab downstairs. Nothing went right, and even going home to Kara’s cold shoulder sounded better than staying in the office and infecting the rest of my staff. 

Again, I walk into an empty apartment. I get it. I’m sure she’s not thrilled to come home either. To be honest, having a little time to myself at home is nice. There are so many boxes in my mind left open this week. Boxes I’ve buried deep. It’s nice to be able to sit with a glass of wine and just be for a moment. Try to cool myself before Kara comes in here, ready to go another round. 

After some time with my wine I walk to the bedroom next to ours and open the door. This room seems so lifeless though I’m sure the housekeeper comes in here daily to dust. 

Mikah’s room. 

Kara had covered the whole wall by his crib with drawings. He spent a lot of time playing with markers at Kara’s work. Daycare would also create crafts for toddlers. Only one of them was framed, and it was a picture of his handprints. They were so tiny. 

“Maybe we should pack this stuff up,” Kara mumbles behind me. 

I jump and turn around with my hand to my heart. “Christ”

She smiles slightly. “I thought you heard me come in.”

“You scared the shit out of me.” 

She leans on the doorframe. I can smell the alcohol from here. 

“You don’t want to pack this stuff up.” I start.

“Gotta do it sometime.” 

“It really hasn’t been that long,” I say, looking around. It does feels as though he died. Like we’re mourning. We might be grieving, but mourning isn't right. Maybe she has a point. 

She turns and missteps on her way to the kitchen. I follow. Great, not only are we in the middle of a fight, she’s drunk. “Are you okay?”

“Perfect.” She hums sourly and grabs the vodka from the cooler. “Joining me?”

“No.”

“Of course.” She hits her glass down a little hard. She grabs a lime from the bowl by the sink. 

“Wait, let me cut that.” I step in, grabbing the knife before she could. Thankfully she doesn’t fight me. 

All things considered, with how bad things have been lately, this is the first time that I know of her using alcohol to drown the pain. 

I cut a few lime wedges and hand her the big one. “Did Harold pick you up?”

She nods, squeezing the lime into her vodka and ice. “Drove Alex home too.” 

Okay, that’s good. If she wanted to spite me, she would have walked home. Would not have come home at all. “Good.” 

She downs her drink in two gulps and begins to make her next one, but as she’s pouring the vodka, she stops and puts her hand to her face. 

That was fast. “Honey.” 

She lets her head hang and cries into her hand. 

I step in closer to her and wrap her in my arms. 

“I miss him.” 

“I know.” 

“And I miss you.” 

“I’m right here.” 

“You were so mad at me.” 

“You called me-“

“I didn’t.” She takes a deep breath. “I said you use it as an excuse.” 

“I use being a Luthor as an excuse for being a Luthor?” 

“I don’t think you are anything like your family Lena. I wouldn’t be with you if I thought that.” 

“I never thought you’d use my last name against me.” 

She sighs. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean it that way.” 

I take in her eyes. So heavy. She’s exhausted and broken. God, why do we keep doing this to each other? 

“What do you need from me?” I ask. 

“Hear me.” 

“Hear you?”

“You miss him too. You loved him too. It’s not just me.”

I sigh, “Of course, I miss him, but what’s my right? I was missing him while he was still here. I wasn’t around. I barely got to know him.” 

And now I’m crying too. I should have just had that drink. She puts her hands in my hair and kisses my forehead. “And you can be sad about that too because you did miss out. You did. Feel that, please.” 

“What the hell does that even mean? Feel that?” I blubber out. 

She takes a deep breath, and her hands travel down to cup my face. She stops my tears with her thumbs. What does she mean?

“You are not your parents.” 

God. 

“You aren’t.” She repeats. She’ll need a wrecking ball to hit me on the head with those words for them to register to me.

“You listed some pretty good examples of how I am this afternoon.”

“Hear me.” She says a little more sternly. 

I let my painful breath out. 

“You being too busy, you building this company at a time where we were thrown into parenting doesn’t make you like your parents. Just because you went back to work like your Dad did after you came to live with them doesn’t make you him. Just because you feel like you didn’t have the chance to connect with him doesn’t make you Lillian. Do you know why?”

“No idea.” 

“Because you loved him, Lena. You did. Did the Luthor’s ever do that? Did you ever feel loved by them?”

It’s an easy no in theory, but it’s actually the hardest thing to say aloud. I blink a few times, speechless.

She nods, taking that as her answer. “That’s how you’re not them. So please don’t you ever imply you didn’t love him again.” Her face was a little disgusted with words as she said them.

“I-I I made such a mess.” I breathe out quickly. 

“What do you need from me?” She asks, and dammit, Dr. Ruth did give us a helpful tool. 

How is she the drunk one here? How can she barely stand yet she’s holding us up?

I tighten my arms around her waist out of instinct more than anything. Her arms go around my shoulders, and my head goes right to her neck. 

I don’t deserve her. I don’t. Why is she still here?

“What do you need?” She asks again.

“Hold me.”

“I am.”

“Forgive me.”

“I’m trying.”

I kiss her neck like that could sway her a little more. It’s not fair to ask her to forgive me. I don’t even forgive me. 

“Why’d you do it?” She asks heartbrokenly. 

“I wish I knew.” 

“I need a reason, Lena.”

I could barf. Throw up everything I’ve eaten for days. 

“I don’t know.”

“You slept with someone else.”

“I know.”

“There has to be a reason.” 

“There wasn’t.” 

She steps away from me. Holding my arms as she unwraps them from her. “Don’t lie to me. I’m tired of your lies.”

“Kara, I’m telling you. I don’t know.” 

She turns back to her drink and finishes making it. This time she sips it. 

I feel the loss of her warmth as I lean on the cold counter. I keep fighting her when she leaves. I keep trying to get her to stay, but honestly, I don’t think she should. I ruined us. 

“Well, then you sound just as stupid for doing it as I am for staying.”

I wipe a tear. “I am sorry.”

“I know.” 

“You can go.”

Kara lets out a painful breath and hangs her head again. “No, I can’t. Lena, your all I have. I lost all of me to be with you.”

“No, you haven’t.” 

“I just got to talk to my mother again, and that was a fight.” 

“That wasn’t me-“

She looks at me with a frown. 

Nevermind.

“I-She hurt you so much, and I ... I just didn’t want that to happen again.”

“Why try to protect me from people hurting me just to do it ten times worse?” She covers her mouth like she didn’t mean to say it. Like the words got away from her. Her eyes are so ashamed, but what for? She’s right.

This time I hang my head. “I am sorry.”

She downs her drink and puts the glass in the sink. “I’m going to bed.”

“Kara, honey.”

“I don’t have anything else, Lena.” She spins on her heels and walks a little sloppy to our room. 

I make a glass of water and follow her. 

She’s jumping with one leg stuck in her pants. 

“I would give you everything. If you left me, I wouldn’t fight you. You can take me for everything I’m worth. I wouldn’t fight you.”

She leans on the wall for balance. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“I love you too. “

“I hate you too.”

I nod. “I hate me too.” 

“Good.” She goes back to change. I put her water by her bedside and start to join her through her nightly routine. She leaves the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth. I hate when we dance around each other like this. She would be sitting on the counter telling me about her day if we weren’t like this. We would go to bed and hold each other until one of us turns over. 

She comes back into the bathroom and waits for me to spit. After I do, she grabs my hand and pulls me to her. She kisses me. It’s a peck. Nothing fancy, but god does it almost make me cry. 

“Goodnight.” She says with her forehead to mine.

“Kara.”

“I can’t.” She kisses me again. “I’m  
Going to the guest room.” 

“Kara, what can I do?”

“You’re doing it. You’re trying. I just can’t fall asleep thinking about how I was laying in that bed crying over our son while you were undressing someone else. I can’t sleep like that tonight.”

“I wasn’t-“

She shakes her head. “I don’t want details.”

“Kara.”

“So help me, Lena.”

“I’m sorry.”

“God, come up with something else. Sorry doesn’t do anything for me. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry you did it. I’m sorry I must have pushed you to do it somehow. I’m sorry I can’t just let us end this because that would be easier.” She steps away with her arms up like she doesn’t want to be touched. “Does that make you feel better? because your sorries NEVER make me feel any better.” 

“You didn’t,” I shout. “You didn’t push me to do anything. I was weak, and I made a mistake.” 

“I’m going to bed.”

“Kara, come on, we’ve been dancing around this all week. Yell at me. Hate me. I deserve it.” 

“There is nothing I can say.”

“Then how do we move past this?”

She looks down at her own feet. I don’t know if she’s going to answer me. She sure takes her time. 

“Have you seen her again?” She asks. 

“Kara, no.” 

“No communication?”

“None.”

“Good.”

“Kara, I promise. It will never happen again.”

She sighs. “I want to believe that, but now every time we fight. Every single bad day we have, I am going to worry.”

“I will prove it.”

She shrugs and leaves the bathroom. She grabs the water from her nightstand and her favorite pillow. 

“Can you please sleep here?” I ask. 

She stops. “You know, I bend first. In our relationship, I’ve always bent first because most of the time, things are way more important to you than they are to me. You care where we live. You want those silk sheets or even a male driver when I can very well drive myself. Your particular and a little set in your ways, and I never really minded.” She pauses, looking up as a tear falls against her wishes. “You bent me too far. I’m sleeping in the guest room, and I don’t care anymore if you don’t like it. You cheated on me. I went to COLLEGE and stayed faithful. All you had to do was not fuck your coworker. So I’m done bending. Goodnight.” She turns and walks out, slamming our door. 

I sit on the corner of the bed. Shame washing over me so heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a hard time editing this chapter because I want you to continue to root for them to work it out. Please don't give up on Lena just yet. 
> 
> Please let me know what your thinking so far. Let me hear how pissed you are at Lena, how adorable Mikah is, or how nice it is to hear Kara put her foot down. Let me have it! 😂 as always, thank you for reading.


	9. Act Your Age

—- Present-Day 

Kara shuffles out of the guest room and heads straight to the french press on the counter. I sip my tea, waiting for her to give me any signs of what I should do. She does her coffee routine going with the whole milk today. That used to mean she felt she deserved a treat. Is she out of almond milk? I am grasping at straws here. Finally, when she’s done, she sits at the counter and makes eye contact. 

“We have bagels.” 

“I’m fine.” She says, grabbing her iPad next to her and opening her news app. 

“How’d you sleep?”

She sighs and looks back up. “I’m not leaving you.”

I let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding. 

“Can we just have a normal morning? We’ll talk about it with Dr. Ruth. Can we just start the day okay?”

I nod. 

“I slept okay. The sheets in there are a little scratchy.”

I smirk. “Silk is better?”

She lightly smiles, amused. “I didn’t say that.”

I sip my tea again with a smirk. She chuckles and shakes her head before she looks back at her iPad.

—- Flashback - High School  
It wasn’t intentional. I linger in the halls, keeping an ear out for any students making a noise like the other day: a fight or anything. I am not often a teacher in the hall, but here I am, nonetheless leaning on the wall outside my classroom, watching my students slowly trickle in. Winn being the only one to really acknowledge me, but hey, they’re teenagers. 

The bell was only moments from ringing, and Kara wasn’t here yet. Crap. I’m not just supposed to leave my students alone, but what do I do if I need to go search for her? Would she skip? or maybe she went home already? 

Right at the last second, she and James Olsen turn the corner laughing. The bell rings, and I cross my arms. “You two are late.”

”A millisecond.” James lets Kara walk in first. 

”I’m sorry, Miss Lena.” Kara says, sitting at her desk. 

I close the door and walk to the board. “Homework out on your desks, please.” 

The whole class period, I can’t help but notice how Kara keeps looking back at James, even when he’s not catching. He has to be my biggest headache of the semester. No matter how many meetings I set up with his mother, his willingness to do the work never increases. The exact opposite of what Kara should be learning. Why is he all of a sudden being nice to her? Is it something I need to worry about? Another bullying incident in the making or did he just simply realize she’s more than the rumors? She’s wonderful. 

After the lesson, they can work on homework or read. James pulls his chair next to Kara while my back is turned to the board. He asks Winn a question about the assignment. I turn and see her laugh.

She’s happy, and I can’t ruin that. 

I put my finger to my mouth, telling them to keep it quiet, but I let them stay together; if she has a chance for friends, I need to let her have that. 

—-Present-day  
“We’re back to the silence.” Dr. Ruth comments. 

For once, silence is better. 

Kara takes a sip of her water bottle. I’m sure her head is still pounding; she didn’t eat anything this morning. 

“We will stop doing daily in just a few days. Do you two think you’re in a place where you can communicate on your own?”

“No,” Kara whispers. 

“So why don’t you tell me about the moment that got you two here?”

I slump a little lower in my seat. 

“We lost Mikah.” Kara breathes out. 

“And I slept with someone else.” I look up. 

The room is still, and I don’t dare look at either of them. Why is Kara with me? That’s all I’ll read on the Doctor’s face, even if that’s not what she’s thinking. 

“This is why you almost left Kara?”

Kara must nod because she doesn’t reply out loud. 

“Do you trust Lena?”

Again no words from Kara. Fuck me. 

“Lena, do you want to say anything about what you’re feeling?”

I let a nervous chuckle out and look back at the doctor. “What I’m feeling?” 

“We have been meeting for a few days now, and this hasn’t come up until now.” 

“It’s not our only problem. We were hurting before it happened.” Kara chimes in.

“Don’t defend me.” 

“It’s not our only problem,” Kara repeats. 

“Of course it isn’t. Very seldom do people cheat because things are going too well. It happens but rarely.”

This is my idea of hell.

“What are you feeling, Lena?” The doctor repeats 

“Shameful. I - I regret it. Of course, I regret it.” 

“How many times?”

Kara looks at me as if the answer might have changed. 

“Once,” I say with a panic. “Once.” 

“What lead up to it?” Dr. Ruth asks.

“Nothing,” I say. 

“We lost Mikah,” Kara repeats sternly. 

I sigh. “It wasn’t that. I don’t think it was, at least. We were fighting a lot about everything. Mikah, L-Corp, National City, family, and everything. There isn’t a reason or a moment that I can point to and say this was it. I didn’t scheme it. I didn’t storm out of our apartment with the decision already formulated. I went to work. I went back to my office because that’s where I go when I’m not home. I didn’t have her meet me there. She wasn’t on my mind at all. It just happened. How can there be a reason if it just happened?” 

“How could it just happen?!” Kara borderline yells. “How? Who came on to who? Was it her, and you didn’t stop her, or did you jump her? I don’t get it. There had to be a point where you thought about your wife, right? Did you just ignore that?” 

“Kara,” I say. 

“This is such crap. Sex doesn’t just happen. A kiss maybe, but undressing someone to fuck her on your fucking desk doesn’t just happen!”

“Kara.” Dr. Ruth tries. 

“Which was it?” Kara asks, bringing her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. 

I look at the doctor. 

“Which was it, Lena?” Kara asks sternly.

“What would it help to know, Kara?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

I swallow hard. 

“I think I’m owed an answer.” 

“So say she pursued the lady, right? How would that make you feel any better?”

Kara brought her legs up onto the couch and hugged them. She wouldn’t look over here if her life depended on it. “I’d know.”

I don’t mind answering. I’ve tried to tell her multiple times how things went down. I’ve tried to lay it all out so she could stop imagining it for herself. She’s never wanted that. I just want to follow Dr. Ruth’s lead. 

“And if she just didn’t say no. If a woman came on to her and Lena, let her. That would be better?”

“There is no better.” She stops a tear. “Both options are terrible.” 

“So, how is it helpful?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“I didn’t come on to her,” I add because it felt necessary. “It doesn’t excuse it. But I was upset, really upset. We fought badly. I felt like a failure on all accounts. I don’t know. We had a few drinks as I vented, and she made the first move, but I didn’t stop it. It’s my fault. I was the married one, but yes I didn't go looking for it...” 

Kara lets out a deep breath. “You’re right; it doesn’t help.” 

I sigh with an uninspired nod.

“So, how can we start to work towards forgiveness?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“I don’t know,” Kara says, stopping another tear. I stop one myself. 

“I wish I could take it back.”

“We had problems before you did it.” Kara sighs. 

“Let’s go through those again.” 

“Too many to count,” I say, exasperated. 

“First being?” The doctor asks. 

“She was my student.” 

Dr. Ruth crosses her legs and writes in her pad. “I’ve read studies about relationships that start this way. Was there an adjustment period once you two were able to be public?”

“We weren’t actually public until Metropolis,” Kara says.

“Not Midvale?” 

“People knew Kara lived with me, but we never went out together. We let people think what they wanted. There were rumors—lots of them. I was on thin ice at Midvale high. They couldn’t prove that we dated while she was a student, so they couldn’t fire me or report me. Plus, I had donated a lot, and they really didn’t want that to stop.”

“It was easier if we didn’t flaunt it,” Kara adds. “Jeremiah was still so mad. He had the Sherif come by and say I couldn’t live with Lena even though I wasn’t allowed to go back home either. He would tell anyone that would listen that she took advantage of me. So people would stop me in town and ask if I was okay. It was easier if we stayed home.”

“Then you went to college in Metropolis?” Dr. Ruth asks.

“Yeah, we were long distance for a little over a year.” 

“We also broke up for a while,” I say.

“Why?”

“She wanted me to have a real college experience.” Kara rolls her eyes. 

“It was dumb. I get it.” I half chuckle.

She almost smiles. 

“I get it, though. This break-up made sense. I was busy. She was stuck in a town that hated her, and we felt like we were in different places.”

“We were. You were drinking for the first time, and I was in bed by 10.” I smile. 

She nods. “But then I’d call you after too many of those drinks.” 

“And I wouldn’t let you pay for your schooling even though we weren’t together.”

“We couldn’t shake each other.” 

Kara smiles. “Boy, did I try?” 

“You almost made it out.” I joke but she side-eyes me quickly. She's always hated that joke.

“How did you get back together then?” Dr. Ruth asks.

“I told her to stop being a baby and come to Metropolis with me. Our lives didn’t need to be this complicated. We both still loved each other, and she wasn’t happy in Midvale anymore. I tried being 21 and in college, but nothing ever clicked. I didn’t want anyone else.”

Fuck, I’m the worst human to walk this earth. 

“So a few months later, I found a job, moved to the city, and Kara moved off campus with me.”

“Did you two date other people during the break?”

Kara nods. “It was the point of it. She wanted me to act my age, so I tried to.”

“I didn’t, but I needed to be alone for a while. It was the right choice for me. I don’t fault Kara at all for doing what I asked her to do.” 

“Anyone serious?” She looks at Kara. 

Damn Mike. 

“Not serious enough. He just made me miss Lena more.” 

— Flashback - College 

I was so close to the end of this damn book. I had to stay up to finish it so I can move on to another one. This one was awful. Just horrible, but I already got too far in before I realized it, and I had to get through it. 

I sip my glass of wine, and the old tabby cat walks across my feet and up my pillow to my neck. She lays there and falls asleep in record time. She’s a good cat. 

My phone rings on my nightstand, and this could only be one person. I look at the clock. Yep, it has to be her. 

I see the picture of her smiling with a tall ice cream cone shining on my screen. I pick it up immediately. 

Lena: Kara?  
Kara: You’re up. 

I could hear her smile. Practically smell the cheap vodka too. 

L: Where are you?  
K: Walking home.  
L: Alone?  
K: No, I called you.  
L: Kara, you said you wouldn’t do this. You’re smarter than this. 

She chuckles. 

K: You’re going to have to make up your mind Miss. Lena, act my age or be smarter than this? You can’t get both.  
L: Kara, how far are you from campus?  
K: Not too much further. 

The silence becomes louder than her babbles. 

L: Did you at least have fun?  
K: *sighs* I guess. I was on a date.  
L: Oh, you-you were?  
K: Is this allowed? Can we talk about this? Friends do.  
L: Yes, friends do.  
K: This guy I work with. He asked me to his house party. It was fine. I just don’t really see the point in drinking this much all the time.  
L: Well, it’s college.  
K: Doesn’t everyone have just as much homework as I do? How does everyone have all this time?  
L: That’s what weeknights are for.  
K: I just feel like I’m always behind.  
L: Honey, you’ll find your rhythm. 

She swallows hard like I am causing her pain. 

K: I’m sure you’re right.  
L: So he invited you out, supplied your drinks, and left you to walk home alone on a college campus?  
K: He couldn’t very well leave, and I wasn’t staying over.

Well, I can’t complain anymore. 

L: Guess who’s sleeping on my neck right now.  
K: My princess? 

I laugh

L: Yes, she’s decided I was worthy of being blessed with her company.  
K: She must be desperate for some cuddles.  
L: Well, if she can’t have her favorite, I’m sure I’m an excellent second choice. 

She was quiet for a little too long. 

K: Lucky cat. 

Dammit, Kara, don’t make me get on a plane. 

K: I miss you both.  
L: We miss you too, but you're where you should be, and you know that.  
K: And what If you're wrong?  
L: Have I ever been wrong? 

She laughs. 

K: Yes, right now.  
L: Hardly.  
K: I’m in my building.  
L: They haven’t asked about your payments, right?  
K: I’m paying you back.  
L: That wasn’t my question Kara.  
K: I have a zero balance, and I was able to cut back on my hours at work. Thank you.

I smile. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to afford it all, but I still have some diamonds and gifts from my childhood I can sell. I’m not using them for myself. This is more important. 

L: I just want you to focus.  
K: You just want to make it impossible to get over you.  
L: Not funny.  
K: I’m not joking. 

Crap.

L: Drink some water and get some rest, okay?  
K: Yeah, okay.  
L: Kara?  
K: Yeah? 

I take a deep breath. 

L: You’re doing a lot better than you think you are. Stop comparing yourself to other people. If you have to stay home on a Friday and study, then do it, but it’s also okay to allow yourself space for breaks. Have some fun.  
K: Says the woman with two degrees before 24.  
L: and I’m alone in another town that hates me. Definitely don’t compare yourself to me. 

She’s quiet for a little bit. I hear movement and maybe a door unlocking. 

K: Visit soon, okay?  
L: Sure.  
K: Alright, I’m in my room, and Nia is sleeping, so I have to go.  
L: Goodnight  
K: Goodnight, Lena. 

The line goes dead, and I put my phone back on the nightstand, trying not to disturb the sleeping cat. It didn’t work, and she stretches her arms out, demanding the scratches she’s come accustom to.

It still surprises me how fast I came to enjoy this little grump. Kara found her at the Danvers’ soon after moving in with them but kept the cat hidden in the shed in the yard, not to upset Jeremiah. She was an outdoor cat mostly, but when Kara came here, she hesitantly asks if Alice could move in too. I couldn’t say no. She was Kara’s buddy through everything, and if she could go to the dorms with her, she’d no doubt be there too. 

That being said. It wasn’t easy living here without Kara. Knowing she’s out having what I hope is a great new life. I want that for her. That’s what I fought for her to have, but it doesn’t mean any of this is easy. I love her. I tried for so long not to, but I do. I’m left behind. Alone. Except for this little grump of a cat. 

—- Present-Day

“It wasn’t right with him. I knew that from the beginning, but I kept trying because he liked me, and it was nice to be liked out loud. To make out at a party and not care who saw. To be able to talk about him with my friends. It was nice. So I dated him until I convince Lena to come to Metropolis.”

“You could do all these things with Lena once she moved, right?”

“Yes. Metropolis gave us the freedom to be what both of us wanted.” 

“We were happy, both of us. I think it might be the only time we were both equally happy.” Kara says quietly. 

I don’t know if I agree with that. 

“You weren’t happy here in the beginning?”

“In National city? No way.” I say quickly. “No, Kara didn’t want to leave Metropolis.”

“It was our home!” Kara puts her hand back to her head. “I understood for the company, but I was heartbroken for us. We were finally settled. We weren’t newly married anymore. She switched jobs. To take over a company I only ever heard her denounce. Then she couldn’t do it in Metropolis. I had to leave an amazing job, friends. It sucked.”

Dr. Ruth nods. “The move,” she writes. 

“Are we just going to make a list of every mistake I’ve ever made?” I ask. 

“Moving was a mistake?” Dr. Ruth asks. 

“Isn't that why you wrote it?” 

She writes some more. “Was it not a discussion? Did you just come home and tell Kara you sold your place and she could come or stay? Was there a choice for Kara just as much as there was a choice for you?”

I go to speak, but I stop myself. I don’t know. I look at Kara. 

“We discussed it,” Kara says quietly. 

“You did?” 

“Yes,” I confirmed.

“I couldn’t say no,” Kara says, looking down at her hands. “And I didn’t want to. I knew she was right. I knew that it was best for her. I agreed, but that doesn’t mean I was just okay with it. It was hard, and I tried.” 

“So, this isn’t a one-sided list.” Dr. Ruth winks a little at me, and for the first time all day, I don’t feel attacked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! The detailed comments made my whole week. You guys are the best.
> 
> First real look into college Kara. I hope the timelines aren't confusing yet. 
> 
> Just a reminder, if anyone thinks I should add a warning or tag, do say so.


	10. Trying Was Always Enough For You

—- Flashback - Mikah (Few Months Together)

Kara takes my phone out of my hand. 

“Kara, what the hell?”

“Firstly, language.” She looks over at the little guy sleeping in his car seat next to her. “Second, you promised. No work. This might not be all fun, but it’s still a vacation. You deserve a vacation. Come on.”

“We haven’t even gotten to the train station yet.”

“Please, Lena, we have hardly seen you. Jeremiah died, which is weird and confusing. I don’t know how to feel about all this, and it is our first trip with a toddler. I need you this weekend. Please. L-Corp can hold for one weekend.”

“Just let me send that last email, and I promise you can have my phone for the whole train ride to Midvale.”

“Deal.” She leans forward, kissing me quickly before handing me back my phone. 

There goes the plan of drowning myself in work to avoid Midvale. 

I send the email and a quick text to Andrea to clue her in on how unavailable I’ll be for the next few hours. I’ll try to sneak away to give her a call tonight. 

“He’s going to be very excited when he sees the trains.”

“I hope so; we could’ve flown much quicker.” 

“Trains are fun. You used to love coming to Metropolis via train to visit me.” She recalls with fondness. 

“It was the visit you part I adored. The train was just a nice excuse to read.” I close my phone and hand it to her. 

“I thought the prep time would be helpful.” She says, putting the phone in her pocket. 

“We don’t have to go. We can get another train anywhere else. We can show Mikah Metropolis or Smallville. We don’t have to do this.”

“I know we don’t have to. I ... I want to, I think.”

“He was awful to you.”

“Just in the end. He was a fine man before that. Strict, but he did take me in.”

“Taking you in doesn’t excuse for kicking you out later.”

“I know.” 

“But you want to be there for Alex. I get that.” 

Kara nods and picks up the giraffe Mikah dropped off the ground. “And Eliza, when I called her last month, and she talked me through Mikah’s cough, I heard so much pain in her voice. I could tell she was sad she couldn’t be there to help.”

I swallow my comment about how she should be. I just smile at her and watch her slowly wake Mikah up. 

“Time to get up, little guy.”

He stretches so big I swear he probably got taller. He smiles. “Train?”

“Almost.” She says.

“red blue, Mama?”

Kara brightens up like he told a joke. She runs her hand through his hair in that way that always makes my heart quicken. 

“I think the train will be grey, but we will see.” 

He looks at her questionable. Like he couldn’t imagine a train not looking like Tomas. Which so happens to be his favorite show in the world. So much so that I’m now the proud owner of all the seasons on my iTunes. It’s funny; ever since we’ve gotten back into the Luthor money, Kara has done nothing but debate me on using it. She pays for everything she buys herself. She doesn’t go on shopping sprees or even pay things off as I have continually asked her to do. Our first month with Mikah was the first month I had to even send a payment to her credit card. She lets me pay for anything Mikah wants or needs, and it’s odd how pleased that makes me. I can’t be around, but he won’t want for anything. I’m working so hard for him now, and it feels good. 

“Moma Lena.” He holds his arms out for me. For some reason, he likes when I hold him. 

Kara looks outside and sees we’re in the parking lot. She unbuckles Mikah and puts him into my lap. She unclips the car seat and puts his bag in it to make it easier to carry everything. I don’t know how she packed for all of us. 

“You’ve got our tickets?” Kara asks. 

“Honey, you’ve already asked me that.” 

She smiles. “Right, on your phone.” She pats her jacket pocket to make sure she had it. 

“Mama is losing it,” I say to the little boy playing with my necklace. 

“Mama.” He rolls his eyes with a smirk. 

My whole body smiles. He’s funny. So funny sometimes I have to remind myself of the hard life he’s had. You can’t see it on him. He never shows it. I find myself wondering if I was the same when I came to the Luthor’s.

Kara watched us with so much joy on her face. “One of us had to pack all three of us, and this little nugget was no help.”

Kara pokes his nose. 

“You got him, and I got the bags?” She asks. 

I nod, flattening the collar of his shirt. Kara loved to dress him like a little man. Like his leather satchel should be around him at all times. On his way to teach his next lecture. If he would stand it, I’m sure she would have put a bow tie on him today. 

“You ready for trains?”

He looks at me, shocked even though he knows that’s where we’re going. “Thomas?”

“Tomas’s friend.” Kara corrects in case the train isn’t blue. 

“Caboose?”

“Most definitely.” I chuckle. 

He makes a sound that’s supposed to be a whistle.

Harold opens the door for us, and Kara hands him a few bags. “Thank you, Harold.”

“Shall I come to the train with you?” He asks, helping Kara out and grabbing the car seat. 

Kara offers her hand to help Mikah and me out. 

“Oh no, we’ll manage,” Kara says, putting her backpack on and standing the wheels to the car seat stroller up. Harold puts the car seat on the wheels like he’s no stranger to helping Kara with this juggling act. Only this time, I’m holding Mikah. She amazes me. 

She counts the bags. Handing my laptop bag to me. 

“Have a good trip. I’ll see you all Sunday night.” 

“Thanks, Harold. Enjoy your weekend off.” I smile as Mikah opens and closes his hand in a goodbye wave. 

Harold leaves and chuckles at Kara, pushing the stroller and pulling the suitcase at the same time. “Kara, honey, let me take the suitcase.”

“I got it. You just don’t let him run off, please.” 

Almost on cue, he starts wiggling in my hold. “Alright, alright.” I switch him to my other side, and even with my bag, it was more comfortable. 

We walk into the station, and Kara keeps checking to make sure we’re behind her. Like I would want to be alone with a toddler in a train station.

Thankfully our train was already on the track. When we walked through the sliding doors, and Mikah saw the train, he gasps and puts his hand over his little mouth. “Kar,” I say, stopping her from walking. She turns back and smiles so big. 

“What do you see, nugget?” 

“T-tr-train!” He points. 

I bounce him. “Look at that.” 

He was so excited and overwhelmed. He looks the train up and down. “Big.”

He looks at me, waiting for me to agree. I shake my head. “Very.”

“Should we go on and find our seats?” Kara asks Mikah. 

“Mama mama, wait.” 

Kara steps closer to us and pulls his shirt down a little to keep it from rising in my hold. 

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay, just breathe.”

Oh, he’s... is he panicking? 

“Big.” He repeats.

“Yes, it’s big, but it’s gotta hold a lot of people,” I say, taking his little hand in mine. 

Do I pass him to Kara? Has she dealt with this?

“Nugget, look at me, okay?” Kara says with so much love and joy. Of course he looks at her. She beams at him. “It’s not going to feel big when we’re in our seats. It’s going to be bumpy and maybe a little loud, but you’ll meet the conductor, and it’s going to be fun. Okay?”

He was ready to cry, and Kara let a little panic wash over her. She looks at me. 

I bounce him again. “I’m excited.”

He looks at me. “Is?”

“I am. I love trains, and you know what? The safest place in the world is wherever Mama Kara is.” 

“And Moma Lena,” Kara says with a returning smile. 

Mikah leans on my chest. “Okay.” 

“Okay. Let’s go.” Kara leans forward and pecks my lips. Then kisses Mikah’s forehead. 

He might not be as excited as Kara would have guessed, but it still feels like a great memory in the making. At least for me. I was able to defuse the situation. He trusts me enough to not just want Kara when he’s nervous. Maybe I am not as shit at this as I feel 85% of the day. 

The way Kara looks at me with Mikah in my arms. God, it feels like I’m fulfilling a dream I didn’t even know she had. Hell, she might not have known she had. That right there is my overwhelmingly big train—the thing I’ve loved from afar but terrified me once I got close up. Being a family, her and I, I can do that. Being a mother - I just don’t want to screw this little boy up more than life has already tried to. 

Kara sets the car seat up in our cabin like a pro. I try to take notes just Incase I have to do this soon. God forbid in front of Kara’s family. How horrible would that look? Yes, I took your daughter away from your home. I wifed her up, we got a kid, and now I don’t come home enough to know how to put the car seat together. The last thing I want for this weekend is to feel even worse about my life choices. Not that I regret Kara. I just don’t need outside judgment from almost a decade ago. 

“Hey.” 

I look up at Kara with a fake smile. 

“It’ll be fine.” She takes Mikah from me and puts him in his car seat. He looked oddly more comfortable in his seat, almost like a home base for him. She gives him a little book he seems to like. He flips through the pages. 

“What are you talking about?” I ask, now busy watching Mikah. 

She sits next to me, forcing me to look at her. “Your nervous.”

“You act as if people weren’t happy to see me go in Midvale.” 

“I don’t care about other people.”

“I know. I don’t want to either.”

“Lena, we’re both adults now. We have made it work all this time. We have a family now. Nobody is going to make waves.”

“I hope you’re right.” 

She takes my hand and kisses it. “I wouldn’t change any of it.” 

I stop myself from sighing. I have so much guilt bubbling back up. The life she doesn’t have because I came into it. I have learned to let this go, but I’m nervous, and it’s bringing everything back. “I love you.”

She leans on me, holding my hand to her chest. “I love you too.”

— Present-Day

Kara looks out at the water for what feels like forever. It was a bit colder today, and the pier didn’t have the everyday life and energy it usually does. 

“Can you say something?” I ask.

“We didn’t just talk enough?” Kara asks back. 

“Kara.” I put my hands deeper into my pocket, trying to fight the cold. Of course she has gloves. She always thinks of everything. 

“Do you remember our first thanksgiving?” She asks suddenly.

I blink, catching up. 

“Which first thanksgiving?”

She smiles. “The first one I lived with you for, in Midvale.”

“Of course I do. Best pizza I ever ate.” 

Kara laughs. “I still can’t believe how frozen that turkey was.” 

“You tried so hard.” I join her laughter. 

“I never cooked before. Why did I think the most stressful holiday of the year was the day to start?”

I shrug with a laugh. 

I remember that day so clearly. I remember the way the house smelled. The boxes of hers we had no room to unpack, but I still insisted she kept even though she was utterly willing to trash everything and mold herself into whatever life I had in that little house. I remember the Cat sleeping by the fireplace as we ate the takeout on the living room floor. I was worried she’d be sad all day. Knowing the Danvers were probably having their big holiday traditions, and all we had was each other. It turned out that’s all she wanted. Her mood didn’t dull once the whole day. Not when I asked about her birth family and what she’d be doing if they could be together. Not when I talked about how Lex and I used to save our yearly chess match for thanksgiving as a treat for surviving another family dinner. Not even when she poked the turkey, and it still wasn’t defrosted. There was this new air about her like she could finally settle, and I remember feeling so lucky that her being settled could happen in my arms at last. 

“You know what I took from that day?” I ask her.

“That you better join the company again because it was the only way we’d ever eat anything home-cooked?” 

“No, that you were comfortable enough to try. Even fail. You laughed at yourself the whole night.” 

“It was funny. Ruining dinner didn’t seem like a big deal, given all the things that happened that year. Trying was always enough for you.”

“That was the first night it felt like you were home.” 

— Flashback - High School

Kara hands a piece of paper to me and smiles proudly. 

“Someone is confident.”

“I read the whole chapter. I didn’t even skim it this time. I got this.” 

“Maybe you should read the whole chapter every time I give you a reading assignment then.”

“Let's not push our luck,” Kara says with a cocky little smirk that makes me chuckle. 

“Alright, sit tight; I’ll grade this.” I take my seat and begin to look through my answer key. She pulls out her lunch and begins to set it out on her desk. 

“Alex and I are going shopping after school.” 

I look up. “That's wonderful.” 

“I think we’re becoming friends.” 

“I knew you two would.” 

Kara shrugs. “I thought it would never happen.” 

I set my pen down and put my hands together on my desk. “Did Eliza tell you about Josie coming back?”

She nods. 

“She’s already gotten many warnings to leave you alone, and if something happens, Kara, I need you to tell me right away. Don’t engage.”

“I didn’t do anything to her the first time. She just doesn’t like me.” 

“I know.” 

“And I mean, maybe she has a point. They never caught ...”

“Kara, no.”

“I didn’t get a good look.” 

“Kara.” 

She looks down at her sandwich, pulling off the crust. She doesn’t say anything for a while, and I debate if I should. I go back to grading her quiz and want to sink into my seat when I see how many she got wrong. “Can we try this test again?”

“Didn’t I pass?” She looks up. 

I try to smile encouragingly. “Let’s try again.”

“Really?”

“Kara, you know this. I know you do.”

“Clearly, I don’t.” 

I get up and walk around my desk. I lean on it. “How many chromosomes does the average person have?” 

“23.”

“You wrote 32.” 

“Oh.” 

I walk over to her and pull a chair over, sitting in front of her. “Let's read it aloud.” 

She slumps in her seat. 

“Sit up. Come on. We can do this.” 

“Why does it matter to you if I pass or not?” 

“Why wouldn’t it matter to me?”

She leans back and crosses her arms. “James said he failed this quiz, and you aren’t giving him special treatment.” 

I take a moment. She’s upset and annoyed at herself, maybe me. How do I keep her from reverting to the girl that was just going through the motions? It’s so much worse to try and fail than fail because you didn’t try. “Mr. Olsen failed because he didn’t even attempt to pass. I doubt he knows what our book even looks like. Kara, you are trying that’s enough to convince me.” 

She rests her hand on her head, looking ready to cry. “I know it.”

“I know you do.” 

She stops a tear. “Fine, let’s try again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It makes me so happy to see people just finding this series and getting to binge it. As a reader finding a fic you like that has a lot of chapters already is the BEST. Anyways welcome new and thank you to all who continued to read from the first chapter. I appreciate all of you :)


	11. I Can’t Lose Her

— Present-Day   
I walk into the apartment to Kara on the couch curled under a blanket with a glass of wine. 

“Hi.” I test.

She looks up and then grabs the remote and pauses her show. “Hi.” 

I put my bag where I always do and hang my coat. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Maggie sent me home.”

I look back at her. “Are you okay?”

She chuckles. “Okay?”

I nod. “I know, stupid question.” 

She nods and sips her wine. 

I look in the kitchen to a set table. “I'm sorry, I’m a little late.”

“It's fine. I was watching the voice.” She gets up and goes to the kitchen, turning the stove top on and checking on something in the oven. “I'll just need a minute for this all to warm up.” 

I sit at the counter. “What are we having?”

“Lasagna and broccoli.”

“You know how to make lasagna?” I ask with a chuckle. 

She smiles. “Don't get ahead of yourself. We haven’t confirmed that yet.” 

“I'm sure it’ll be great.” 

“If not, we can always order pizza again.” She smirks. 

I smile and look at the mail that’s spread all about the counter. “Anything good?”

“Mostly junk.” She says, turning back to the stove. “Edna has off this week.”

“Why?” 

“Her godson in Gotham is in a play. Supposedly he’s outstanding? Anyways, she asked for two days off, and I told her to take the week.” She shrugs. “She never asks for time off. I didn’t think it would be a problem.” 

“She’s already been paid.” 

“So?” 

“So it’s paid time off?” I ask. 

She turns. “Lena, she’s worked with us for a while now.”

“Yes, but her bill is through the business. I have to get those things cleared or at least make Jerry aware.”

“Jerry?”

“Our accountant, we had dinner with him and his wife last year.”

“Right, Jerry. He is L-Corp’s accountant.”

“And ours.” 

“Yours.”

“We are married.”

She looks at her hand. “Shit, that’s why I’m wearing this, huh?” 

“I'm going to need some wine.” I stand and go around to the kitchen. She points to the wine glass she already poured for me. I sigh. “Thank you.” 

“I’m not allowed to give Edna the week off?” 

“Allowed? What am I, some warden? I just wish you talked to me about it before you did it.”

“I guess I will next time.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“Yep, all you ask.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Kara, say what you're feeling. I can’t read your mind. What, you don’t like that I’m upset about the bonus you just gave the housekeeper? I’m the bad guy for that too?”

“Her name is Edna.” 

“I know her name.” 

“Then use it. You might have grown up like this, but I sure as shit didn’t! She is unnecessary, but if you insist, then the least we can do is treat her like family. If she gets a bonus because of the first time she worked up the courage to ask for time off, then so be it.”

“You do not see my side at all.” 

“Your side or your CEO side?” The timer on the counter dings, and she opens the oven door quickly and goes to grab the dish. She jumps back quickly, putting her left hand to her chest with a loud cuss. 

“Kara!” I rush to her and grab her shoulder, leading her to the sink.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” 

“What the hell were you thinking?” I turn the water on cool but not too cool. I pull her hand under the water and try to get a better look. 

“Goddammit, that hurts.” She winces. 

“This is what stove mitts are for.” 

“I didn't; I wasn’t thinking!” 

I look closer. Her middle and ring finger were starting to swell. “Take your ring off before you can’t.” 

“Fuck!” She tries to pull her ring off, grunting in pain. I go to the stove and grab the mitts taking the lasagna out and turning everything off. “Where is your bag? We are going to the hospital.”

“It’s probably fine.”

I look at her, finally able to get her ring off. She sets it on the ring dish by the window ledge. It was really red. “No, let’s go.” 

She sighs. “I can call Eliza and ask if it’s worth the trip?” She gets a rag from the drawer and wets it. “It's just a little bit.” 

“Or we can just go, and we’ll know.” 

She rolls her eyes. “Lena, please. I don’t want to waste our night or a hospital bed if I don’t need to.” 

“Fine, do you want me to call?”

“My phone is on the coffee table.” 

I take a deep breath and ready myself. It’ll be fine. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. She’ll be worried for Kara, and she won’t even mention our fighting even if she knows about it. I unlock Kara’s phone and look up Eliza in her contacts. I put the phone on speaker as it rings. 

“Sweetheart, how was the lasagna?” Eliza asks, cheery. 

“Hi Eliza, it’s Lena.”

“Oh, hello, Lena. Is everything alright?” 

“So Kara burned her hand on the Lasagna, I thought we should go to the hospital, but she wanted to ask you, seeing as you would know better than any of us.” 

“Oh dear, alright, how bad?” 

I walk over to Kara. “Looks like the inside of about two fingers got the worst of it.”

“But hardly,” Kara added. 

“Is it blistering?” Eliza asks. 

“No,” Kara says quickly.

“Kara, that’s blistering.”

“No, it’s swelling.”

“Which is the start of blistering.”

“Eliza?” Kara asks. 

“She always hated hospitals. I have my pack with me, sweetheart, and I’m here in town with your sister. Do you just want me to come to you?”

Kara looks at me for approval. God, I am a warden. “Of course. That would be great.” I say quickly because it honestly does make the most sense. 

“We can send Harold for you,” Kara says. 

“We also have that lasagna still,” I say. 

Kara huffs. “That stupid lasagna.”

I laugh. “The stupid lasagna if you and Alex haven’t eaten yet.” 

Kara smiles at me, surprised. I kiss her forehead. 

“That would ... well, that would be great,” Eliza says, surprised herself.

“Alright. Harold will text you when he arrives.” I say, grabbing my phone and sending a message off to Harold. 

“Kara, if a blister forms, don’t touch it. See you, ladies, soon.” Eliza says before hanging up. 

Kara looks at her hand. “I don’t think it’s bad.”

“I'm happy Eliza can look at it and make sure.” 

“Thank you for inviting her and Alex over.” She looks back at the lasagna. “It's going to need to be heated again.” 

“We can microwave each piece. Anything I can do with the broccoli?” 

“Just put them in a serving bowl, maybe?” She chuckles nervously, looking around. “Oh god. Nobody has ever been here.” 

I laugh. “It’ll be fine. I’ll set the table. You take that rag and sit, please.” 

“I can help.”

“Kara honey, just sit. Let Eliza bandage you up, or whatever, then you can help all you want.”

She sits at the counter. “I can’t believe I did that.” 

“You were distracted.”

I rush around adding more seats to the table while she sips her wine. “I'm sorry I didn’t talk to you about Edna.” 

I look at her. “It’s fine. I’ll tell Jerry in the morning.”

“I like her. I know I was against the idea of her. I don’t think we need someone to shop for us or even clean after us, but I like her. She’s become family to me, especially after Mikah. There were days where...” she plays with the towel around her hand. “She just helped me a lot. I was happy she finally asked for something.” 

She was there when I wasn’t. I sigh out. God, of course, she was. I go to Kara and sit next to her, pulling the chair closer so that I can take her right hand. “I should have been there.” 

She leans onto me, putting her head in my neck. “You’re here now.” 

I kiss her head. 

—- Flashback - High School  
“Aunt Lena!” A little seven-year-old Ruby says, running over to Lena. 

“Ruby, Ruby honey. We talked about this.” Sam says, stopping Ruby and pointing over to the soccer field. “You have to stay on the field until your coach says to come off.”

“We will talk after you're game, girly. Go have fun.” I say with a chuckle. 

Ruby runs back to her spot and waits for the ball to come near her. I sit in the seat Sam had already set up for me. 

“And we thought me being late would make her focus more.” 

“You have to come around more. She won’t be so excited to see you if she’s sick of you.” Sam laughs and hands me a water bottle. 

“Watching kids spin on a soccer field isn’t normally how I choose to spend my days off. Now, where is this girlfriend of yours?” I ask. 

“She got called into work at the last minute.” Sam rolls her eyes. “I honestly think she was more nervous to me you than she was to meet Rubs.” 

“Well, I can be quite intimidating.” I joke, opening the water bottle and taking a sip just to choke. 

Sam laughs. 

“That's tequila, you psycho.” I cough.

“Shhhhhhhh.”

“Oh god, that was so - I will never trust you again.” I laugh. 

“Like you said. Kids spinning in circles.”

I look out at Ruby, who gets the chance to run for the ball. It wasn’t long before the other team stole it, but she was all smiles. Sam claps. The whistle blows, and the coaches come to get their kids. Kara runs out to Ruby and trades her with another little kid. 

“Wow, Ruby, you did so good. You got the ball. I think next time you want to not look down so much as you run. It’s harder to see whose coming at you if you’re not looking up, right?”

“Right.” 

“We can work on that.” Kara chuckles and pats Ruby's back as she runs toward Sam. She waves. 

I smile and wave. 

She goes back to the bench of kids. 

“Since when is Kara a coach?” I ask Sam.

“I thought it would be a good idea. She’s supposedly doing good in P.E. and she said she played when she was little, so I helped set it up.” 

Kara laughs with another little kid on the bench, then gets up to get him a cup of water. “Ruby! We need our secret weapon. Get back over here!” She yells, making Ruby laugh. 

“Shhhh, it’s not a secret of you yell it, Coach Kara!” 

Kara dramatically puts her hand over her mouth. 

Ruby runs to the bench and grabs an orange slice. 

“It's so nice to see a little light in her eyes,” I say proudly. 

Sam looks over with a nod. 

— Present-day 

I open the door to both the Danvers women. “Hi, welcome. Thanks for coming.” 

Alex smiles. “Hey, Luthor.” 

It’s actually really nice to see Alex. She’s always been so supportive of Kara and me. She’s spent the most time with us out of anyone. “Rookie.” I nod. 

She rolls her eyes. “Don't get me started.” 

“Hello, dear.” Eliza smiles, holding tight to her bag as she walks in. 

“Geez guys, I know you basically own National City now, but you're still only two people,” Alex says, looking around, then meets Kara’s eyes. “Shit, sorry.” 

Kara nods. “Come on, I can give you guys a tour.” She starts to get up from her spot on the couch.

“Kar,” I say. 

She looks at her hand. 

Eliza sits next to her. “That can wait, sweetheart. How is the pain?” 

“Hurts a little.” 

“Which is a lot,” I say. 

Eliza chuckles. “My guess too.” 

“Can I get you guys a drink?” I ask. 

“I'm fine, thanks,” Eliza says, slowly unwrapping Kara’s hand. 

“Scotch?” Alex throws out into the universe hoping I’ll cave and share my top shelf bottles with her.

I laugh. “That’s in my study.” 

Alex follows me down the hall to my office. I go to the bar cart and start looking through the bottles.

“Five seconds here, and I already put my foot in my mouth,” Alex says, messing with her hair. 

“Don't worry about it. It’s a big place, even when it was three of us. How’s your place?”

“Small. Thankfully mom goes home soon. I’ve been on the couch.” 

“You should have told me you were moving. L-Corp has invested in a few buildings around National City. I could have gotten you something nice.” 

Alex shrugs. “I wanted something small and mine. It’s perfect.”

I smile. “How are you doing with everything?”

“I could ask that too.” 

I chuckle and pour two scotches. “I asked you first.” 

“Better. Leaving was the right choice.” Alex says, looking down. “I ... We weren’t happy for a while.”

I take a sip. 

“How’s therapy?”

“Hard, but Eye-opening.” I sip again. 

She laughs. “I bet. You’re stronger than me. I’d have a hard time letting someone into my marriage like that.” She takes a big gulp. 

“We haven’t been happy for a while either.”

Alex hums, knowing it well.

“I can’t lose her,” I add. “I don’t want to. We just got so off track.” 

“I know.” 

I smile. “I'm happy you're here. She needs her sister.” 

“And you need your only friend?” 

I laugh. “I have friends, jerk.” 

“Mhmm, sure.” She smiles. 

I play with my glass. She wasn’t wrong. When I moved to Metropolis, Alex was just starting her training there. Every weekend was spent with Alex and Sara. Sometimes Sam or Winn would come up for the weekend. They were our friends and family. Then Luthorcorp was in trouble, and my mother nominated me to the board. I let that all disappear. 

“I'm sorry, I’ve been so busy. I know when we left Metropolis, I promised the move wouldn’t matter, and I’d take care of her. I know you trusted me. I don’t know how we got here so fast, but I’m going to make it better.

“You were shutting us all out before the move.”

“I know. I don’t like who I become around my family.” 

Alex nods. “I can understand that.” She finishes her glass quickly then helps herself to a second. “I don’t want to have to hate you.”

I nod. “I know.” 

She smiles a little. “Let's go make sure mom hasn’t convinced Kara to divorce your rich ass and move back to Midvale.”

“That's not funny.” Even though I laugh. 

“I'm kidding. Mom has been the one telling Kara to let therapy work. To give it time. She’s really coming around lately. It’s weird. I think Dad. I don’t know, I don’t think she had much of a voice for years. I can see that now.”

Why does that scare me more? Eliza didn’t have a voice in her marriage. Alex didn’t feel she had a voice with Sara and Kara; she’s just let me do all the talking. 

“I'm happy she’s coming around. I know you both love her.” 

Alex smiles slightly. “I'll love her more when she’s out of my bed.” 

I laugh. —- Flashback - High School

“Alright, if everyone could use this time to finish your labs or get a head start on your reading for the night, that would be great.” I shuffle through the quizzes I graded last night and smiled at the one on the top. I put it down on Kara’s desk. “Great work.” 

She looks up at me, surprised. “Really?” 

“Do you know me to lie?” 

She holds the quiz and shows Winn. 

“Nice,” he hands it back. “Study group works.”

I nod and move on to the next student. Kara told me she and Winn had begun studying together, which I know is basically Winn tutoring her too. It just makes me so happy she’s finally getting a life here. 

I pass out the rest of the quizzes and take my seat for the remainder of the class. Most students turn in their labs and begin chatting with each other. That’s fine today. I open my computer to see another article about my upcoming appearance in court. I’m not looking forward to my life being back in the spotlight. 

The bell rings, and Kara stays back like always. I close my laptop. “You are aware the sub isn’t going to chitchat after class.” 

“Don't remind me.” She smiles. 

“Good work on the quiz.”

“I reread everything. Took forever.” 

“But it paid off, right?”

She nods. 

“Good.” I don’t want to mess up the progress by leaving. “Now, Sam - Miss. Arias will be able to help you with any assignments you have questions about. Will you ask her? You’ll let her help?”

“How long will you be gone?” She asks. 

“Just until Monday. I meet with my lawyers tomorrow, testify on Friday, see some friends in the city, then home and back to work by Monday.” 

“Are you nervous? I never had to go to court because the guys were never caught, but I think about it a lot. How scary it’d be.” 

She’s been getting more comfortable with talking to me, and though it kills me to hear the pain in her voice, I’m glad she’s talking it out finally. “I am nervous but mostly to get back to that world. It’s way different than my life here. I can only imagine the comments my mother will make about this job and my wasted potential.”

Kara shrugs. “What does she know?”

“She’s considered to know quite a bit, but I’m happy here she would never take that into account.”

“Your happiness should matter.”

Alex walks in. “Sup loser.”

Kara smiles. “Can I email you my paper for English?” She asks me. “Will you be too busy?” 

“Of course you can. I’ll read it on the train.” 

“Thank you. Good luck.” Kara says, “bye, Alex.” She sings, walking out happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read last weeks comments you’ll know that the High school flashbacks are getting challenging because I’m struggling to find the right way to introduce the change from teacher/student to a couple. I know lena isn’t going to come off well no matter what but I’m trying to find the best way to not make it seem too bad. 🤷♀️ If anyone has ideas I’m open to them :) 
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading and I really appreciate you. Have a good week!

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lets-make-right


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